Tumble and Stumble.

I know I'm in the midst of my midterms. Well, not really in the middle, since it just began today but that's not the point. I was just thinking about unrequited love. I know, it's a pretty depressing topic. Meh, like I don't know that.

I'm sitting here supposedly studying for my Critical Thinking Skills exam but I have an urge to blog. Besides that, I just can't seem to concentrate since I began entertaining these thoughts.

His three types of smiles, of which one can send my tummy spinning in spirals till I feel I'm about to pass out from the excitement, the way he laughs as though he's so short of breath and his voice is caught in his throat, the way his nostrils flare when he plays his bass. I'm afraid to touch him, you know. Sometimes I can't even touch him casually like I would others. I almost don't want to feel the warmth of his skin in friendly contact. It would be easier if I didn't know him from a dream. I'm afraid he'll read this and know it's for/about him. I'm even more afraid that he'll read this and not know.

He smells like fabric softener. Not that impressive, I guess, but he does. I remember. I recall the rough carpet grass feeling of his hair and how it just seems to bounce back into place when he ruffles it. I'm afraid he'll never speak to me again. I can still hear his voice. How he was commenting about some words I used often and how they can be unhealthy. Things were more antagonistic then, in an almost unfriendly way. But now, I can feel the banter getting thin. I don't know the strain on him but I know the strain on me.

I hear him talk about how much he misses his family and I want to hug him in a warm embrace and chase all those pains away. I want to make things better; I want to make things right. But I can't! I seem to do everything wrong. Everything about me is bad, wrong, not good enough. Sometimes, he seems so far away that I can't help but think that maybe we're on total different levels. Maybe we aren't even of the same species. Who knows. But sometimes, it hurts that I can't slow down enough to be appealing.

Hah. It sounds so depressing, but in a way, I think it's beautiful on it's own.

][ Would You Jump? ][

Hello! Happy New Year to you all! I'm proud to be the first to actually post this year. It's awesome.

I'm going to start the year off with something that I've always wondered about. If you liked a said person a whole lot, cared for the person a lot and by God's grace the feeling was mutual! Wouldn't that be awesome? Of course it is!

Here comes the but. But, you know it will never work out between the both of you. Fine, maybe not that it wouldn't work out but rather that it would 80% not last. Or maybe by the circumstances of your future, it would be highly unlikely that this relationship would be able to withstand the test of time & distance ( let's say one of you goes abroad or something similar.. ).

The question now is, would you still go along with the relationship?

If you do, both of you would get so attached to each other, enjoy each other for maybe a year, maybe more and then when the time comes to part, the only thing left after the entire fiasco is two very hurt and broken people.

If let's say it does last several months as a long distance relationship then one of you just can't take it anymore and then it's byebye relationship. What then? Same diff. What would be left would be two frustrated, broken hurt people.

If you don't even get together, would you then be missing out on a chance of a lifetime? This could be your shot at happiness! ( eternal soul mate.. if you must ) But of course, if it doesn't work out, you wouldn't have felt like you totally wasted your money, energy, affection and whatever else here AND there would be no broken emotionally tormented people at the end.

So, which would you do?
As for me, it's still something I'm pondering and, I'm not getting any closer to the answer.

aloha people. sorry for the lack in posts. we've been busy :)

recently, over the past months, i was well, involved in a love triangle. yes. how scandalous. hehe:p and its really really screwed up and really complicated. but thats not the point. the point of today's post is when the boy, let call him... A told me that his girlfriend, B was trying to control him. trying to tell him how to be around his friends and all. and the thing that struck me the most is when he pointed out that i never used to do that to him.

boys. listen up.

just because your girlfriend doesnt say anything about you being close to another girl,
doesnt mean she is okay with it.

and even though she says she's okay with it,
she really isnt.

seriously.
because there will always be a sense of insecurity no matter what.

and that also applies to married people also. hahaha:p

blessed christmas ya'll!

a little thought here.

currently, in college, there is this friend of mine who is totally liking one of my gal friends. hehe:p so when we, namely the rest of the gang, found out that he liked her, started to tease him and stuff and asked him to admit to her. did he admit to her? yes he did. but but he started to act weird around her.

he had this constant worry about saying something wrong to her, or making a bad impression and he keeps on feeling as if he screwed things up.

how bad is it? bad. i hear about it everyday.

he even asked her whether she was jealous that me and him hang out together a lot. which was totally fine with her.

armed with that constant worry about making a bad impression or screwing up, he doesnt seem to be able to talk to her normally, like the way he talks to me and to the other guys. he always worries about EVERY SINGLE WORD that comes out of his mouth, which gets annoying cuz he keeps asking me whether he said something wrong when he TOTALLY didnt say anything wrong.

i feel like hitting on the head until he starts talking to her like a normal friend instead of being nervous and all cuz it makes it awkward for her.

sigh. are all guys this nervous when talking to girls they like?

BL : Hugs

Being touched is a good thing. Affection is a good thing. I like affection but I don't get enough of it.

I'm determined to have more than 3 post before the month is over. You hear me you other two lousy people who just don't update when I'm the one with finals tomorrow! Oh gosh! My finals are tomorrow. Hahahaa. I'm a goner for sure.

When you hug someone, make sure you give them a proper hug okay. Don't give them skinny hugs! I hate them the most. Must as well don't touch me, right?!

I'm actually a very hug-able person, but because all of you aren't, I don't hug you. I love hugs! I need hugs. Quite frequently.

It's really simple to give someone a hug. Main purpose of a hug is to feel warmth, comfort, and a pleaseing presence of another body against your own.

People feel good. People are warm. People smell nice. People are more real when you're touching them.

There are 2 types of hugs.

The Type A hug.
A type A hug is hugging bodies apart, shoulders touching, arms wrapped around each other. It's shaped just like the letter A, therefore the " A Type Hug".

oo
/ \
+--+
ll

ll

That above is suppose to be you, OKAY!

Type 1 Hug.

A type 1 hug is hugging with bodies together, touching, wrapped up against each other. It's shaped like the number 1.

00
++
ll
ll

It's much better to give type 1 hugs because they involve more body contact and therefore, you're not giving off some unwanted message of, " I don't really like you but I'm just trying to be polite." which happens to be Type A hugs. I hate Type A hugs.

To hug someone, just think about comforting the person, feeling good and just stop being embarrassed about it because, there isn't anything to be embarrassed about!

I don't know why people are afraid to touch one another today.

I don't see hugs in the movies anymore. Not proper ones - bear hugs, lovers hugs, comforting hugs. It's sad.

Unlocking Shackles..

" If you love somebody,

set them free.

If they don't come back,

they weren't yours to begin with."

That's an old saying which attempted to make parting with a loved one easier. Or at least seem that way.

A nice thought in truth : That the bond between you and the other person is so strong it is able to endure beyond the boundaries ot distance and time.

A caution however is that, if you do decide to set someone you love free, make sure they know you're setting them free as opposed to discarding them like a worn piece of clothing.

Otherwise, you may just end up loosing your one true love in this world.

But really, can you will yourself to let go and break the shackles that bind you to one another? Are you brave enough to risk everything you both share? It's your precious moments, memories and bond.

It's really like opening the cage door of your favorite pet canary and praying that although it will fly out of the cage, it will return to you by evening. And if it doesn't, does that mean I got to the pet store and pick up a new pet?

DTR Talk..

It's been a while, hasn't it. This is going to be a really long post ( not kidding this time ) so please do read till the end. Smile! It's a lovely day; appreciate it.

Go back to primary school. You’re in the class room, and the teacher’s writing something on the black board ( yeah, they’re still using chalk! – which would sometimes come flying in your direction if you didn’t behave ) There is a soft buzz about the class with several students murmuring, fighting, bickering.

Well, there you are, not copying whatever the teacher is writing on the black board simply because you’re just going to borrow your friend’s notes later anyways. Why write it down now? Besides, if you do it now, you’d actually HAVE to answer the questions. Later? Answers are already there. Simple.

You look around your classroom and you see a boy sitting a few seats away. You think he looks good. His shirt is tucked in, his collar propped up properly and, not doing his work either. You keep staring and staring, and then when your eyes meet, for that split second, your stomach does a flip flop. And you think, “ I like him.”

Wasn’t that your first “ oh-so-significant other?”

You'd giggle, blush whenever your eyes meet, play catching with each other, collect saga seeds and even a pencil fight if things got really serious in the days of cooties and being chased in the playground. Back then you might have a boyfriend or girlfriend, meaning that you never talked to each other or sat together at lunch, but EVERYONE knew that you were a cute little couple.

They'd sing, " Britney and Kevin, sittin' in a tree...." – you know how that song goes.

This of course led to your face turning ten shades of red, and you’d be able to challenge a tomato for the “ Most Red Award.” And then, you decide you no longer liked your little friend anymore.

In standard 5 – about form 2 was couple-hood; without even going on a date to see if they liked each another. Remember? I like you, you like me = we are a couple. I’m sure it started with you being asked out first, then you told your parents that you’re going out with, “ Tom, Dick and Harry – if you’re a boy” or “ Rosy, Suzie and Lulu – if you’re a girl.” Your parents would flip if they found out you were going out one on one with a boy/girl. So you guys go for movie and a meal or something. Those were they days of 2 week couple and if you were together longer than a month, if meant you guys were serious and if it was longer than 3 months, you guys were going to get married.

Then when you “ graduated ” to being a high school student as in form 4 and 5, the big shots of the school, things began to solidify, a little, into specific categories, and the terms which defined all the stages of dating had become important. Friends would always ask, if not wonder how serious were things, or if you were just dating, “ experimental period ”etc.

So now in college, these problematic phrases and words are still plaguing me, and I'm sure they've caused problems for other people out there. Endless frustrations because neither of you wanted to say anything about where you guys stood, therefore both keep quite and go with the flow. The guy is wondering if he should ask her to be his “ official ” girlfriend; with label but he’s afraid to because he thinks the girl wouldn’t take him seriously. I mean, after all, he IS the class clown. Then the girl, sitting there night after night, sms-ing or on the phone wondering when this buffoon is going to “ pop the question ” so to speak, to ask her to be his official girlfriend and wondering why on earth he’s taking so long. I mean, it's understood; you like me, I like you, it only makes sense that we end up together.

Have you ever noticed the words we use to describe our romantic or intimate relationships? It’s completely ambiguous! Especially now that we’re in college so there are so many different people from all over the world. Different geographical areas and walks of life that we’re bombarded with an assortment of phrases that are neither sensible or accurate. Heck, most of the time it makes NO sense at all!

Take “we hooked up,” for example. What does that really mean? To one person, it might mean he kissed her good night. To another, it might mean they copulated so many times she lost count.

Then there’s “dating,” or even “seeing one another.” You first have to choose whether you want the exclusive or non-exclusive version of each. Non-exclusive means you both agree that this is an open relationship and that both are allowed to see other people. And if you opt for the exclusive approach, would you be willing to call that person your girlfriend or boyfriend? What is the label?

Also, dating there are two meanings or should I say grades.

Dating - Two people hanging out together who know the outing is not just a 'friends thing.' You can date as many people as you like. Dating comes after several “ outings ”, which is to say you aren’t really 'dating' after only one date or even two. No commitment or assurance that both of you will continue to pursue this budding relationship. Normally this is the non-exclusive grade.

Dating dating - Okay, this is where it gets tricky. The repetition of the word here is where the seriousness comes in. This is the same use as the familiar 'shopping shopping,' which, as everyone knows, is much more costly than mere 'shopping.' There is also a stress whenever saying these words. Now this is the more almost exclusive. One step away from being exclusive dating.

Going out - This is where two people are seeing each other exclusively. Dating other people is forbidden or, at any rate, not looked upon favorably by others ( especially your significant other). 'Going out' was, in our parents time referred to as “ going steady ” which was actually less ambiguous than our current wording, but hey, times were simpler.

The DTR talk – Heard of it? This stands for “ define the relationship ”, which strikes fear into the hearts of many. This is where one might say, 'So, um, where do you think we're going with this (gulp)?' The DTR talk is something that is inevitable in any dating situation that lasts for an extended period of time. However, once the DTR is completed, there is a resulting period of relief for at least one, and hopefully both parties.

Anyways, I find the slang, labels and lingo and it’s use highly confusing and useless. The dating game is difficult enough as it is without people getting confused about how to refer to their relationships, if you “ qualify ” for the label and if you don’t, then what’s going to happen to me?

I’m going to die an old spinster surrounded by cats.

It's inevitable that people are going to get their wires crossed during the process. Honestly, I think it's impossible not to. I think we all need a Oxford’s for our love lives. A dictionary to spell it out straight forwardly what is and what isn’t. You know, where the line is drawn to differentiate this and that. Even better, why don’t we banish all restrictive relationship speech and just go by our instincts? Share and share alike, be content to just chill with one another and not attach weighty titles to relationships at all. You got that, no labels. Shocked?

Girls - can you imagine the agony of having to wait to analyze everything that came out of a guy’s mouth because there were no rules?

Guys - can you imagine how much trouble you’d get in for using the wrong word when you don’t even realize it?

I am personally all about honesty, either from friends sharing their love-lost stories or in my own relationships. If you had sex last night, don’t tell me you “did the deed,” and don’t attempt to communicate through an even more revolting code language of synonyms for intercourse. We are not 13 anymore. Heck, most of us are legal! Though we’re asians and have a reputation for not being able to talk about these sort of things because it falls under the “ unmentionable category ”.

Likewise, even if it’s as simple as a girl liking a guy or vice versa, just go ahead and be honest ( yeah right, easier said than done! So true.. ). Perhaps you’re just looking for someone to hold you while you sleep, don’t be afraid to make that known and don’t fear to do so without promising things you can’t keep, all in an attempt to live up to the demands of a phonetic expression. Try not to name it and label it, just go with the flow. It’s kind of funny to think about, but really, if we stop assigning ranks and names, just maybe we’ll avoid all of those “games” we college students hate but can’t stop playing.

But then again, maybe this vocabulary simply serves as a checking agent to keep us on our toes, to keep things interesting. The chase it more fun than the actual prize; not true all the time though.I don’t know what I would do if I thought I understood my relationship all the time. So unfortunately, we are forced to embrace the ambiguity of modern romance and muddle through as best we can. Good luck out there, I’m going to go try to hook up with some friends.