Concrete Make-Up...

Has anyone ever wondered why we always have to act as though everything's okay when it's not? Why aren't we allowed to show our vulnerable side? Why do we have to be strong? Why?

Most of the time people do the above. Pretend that everything is hunky dory and that they're not dying inside. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal., All locked up inside that wound, and you can bet your life it's going to fester!

You act like nothing's the matter. You put extra effort into being nice and congenial. You always let the other person go ahead of you in line. You smile when your friend gets the promotion you worked your butt off for months. You stay silent and just nod when your friends talk about such happy topics like love and hope. You read more poetry so you won't give up on the world. You watch more sad romantic movies when you're alone at home, allowing yourself to cry at all the sad parts just so you can feel that the human part of you is still there.

You get this sort of balance, you know - You're one person here, another person there. You control yourself and force down the bile that rises up your throat each time you walk past a " certain " someone. You deny your inner emotions. You keep telling yourself that you're stronger than this, you can overcome it all, even heartbreak and sorrow.

You know you won't die inside because, heck, there is nothing inside of you. Repeat this to yourself over and over again. Write it on a post it note and stick it to the mirror or refrigerator. You'd be amazed at how well it can work.

You grip your glass firm though your hands are trembling. You refuse to lose. You can win, you will win, you have won!

After a while, you won't even have to try. You won't even have to pretend.

Now, you can look at the most heart-wrenching scenes and not even blink.

Death is nothing..

Lost love is just a waste of time.

And there you go. Goodjob. You're here. Dead. Don't forget to laugh.

And remember, never ever ever look back :)

Jelly Beans. Not Jelly Bean...

I'm feeling bitter today. If you're in a bubble happy mood and don't want to have your bubble popped then, please save this post for one of those blue days. I'm just full of angst.

" Never frown; you never know when someone's falling in love with your smile. "

I'm sure everyone of you has heard that saying. If you haven't well, pat yourself on the back, now you have.

I for one happen to think this is silly. Why? I'll tell you why.

Because! No one should be falling in love with my smile. Instead, they should be falling in love with me, not some wiry expression I have pasted onto my face. It's like pointing at a five scented candle pack and saying you only one the white vanilla candle. Chuck the rest!

You know, if you can't fall in love with me as a whole, then don't bother. If all you like is my stupid, sloppy, crooked grin then, I don't think I want you in my life at all. It would be better without you. You should be falling in love with my frowns, my constipated look, my smiles and everything else about me.

Falling in love with a smile is just like falling in love with a porn star through their picture you saw on the web. Still sound pure to you? Heh.

Pass the Cup Around..

If I've blogged about this before, I apologize. If I haven't then, please continue reading. I know I can simply just clear up the conclusion by checking my older post but I don't really feel like doing that at the moment.

I have come to realize there are two types of people in the world. The first type are those with a long string of ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. And that's okay, you know. Dating around and deciding, finding out what you like and what you don't. And of course, need I mention you'll also gain lots of experience? ( not in that way, you fool! Get your head out of the gutter! ) But the downside is that you have to kiss all those frogs before finding your prince.

Then there's the second type. These people, I can relate to. I am one of them. We're not someone with a long long list of ex's. It's like, we try our best not to allow ourselves to be " tainted ", so to say. We just wait for that one person. But why? Why would you just keep yourself to that one when you could try others? Why don't you date around and see what you like? What you want? I don't know about other people but here's how I feel.

Let's just imagine I'm a full cup, filled with only the best wine. And when I date a person, they drink from me. If I take too many, so many people would've tasted of me and then, if I'm not careful, there won't be any of me left. I'd be an empty cup. But if I waited, for that one person, for that one right person whom I am meant to be with, he could have all of me. A full cup of the best wine all for him. And that's all I want to give him. All that I am able to.

My logic is, why kiss all the frogs when you can just go right for your prince? Who cares if he might be a Shrek, he's YOUR prince :)

Invisible Ability.

Superheroes are something mystical and magical. What defines them are the super powers and inhumane abilities. Sometimes I wonder if I am one too.

I'm always by your side. I'm always there for you.

I'm always cheering for you and will always be on your side.

Yet, you don't see me.

I figured I must have the invisible ability.

Best friends of the opposite ( and now in today's world, even the same.. ) sexes. I hardly need to say anything more and most, if not all, of you would know the dangers of it. Emotions that may develop as you maintain that long string of friendship years. And then it just blows up in your face.

You know your best friend the best. You've been through thick and thin. You've also had your fair share of good times. Even watched him grow up. And also watched him go through his share of bimbos and lousy girlfriends. Through all that, you've always been by his side, supporting, cheering and loving him.

And yet, he doesn't see you as someone who could become his life partner. Heck, he doesn't even give you a chance. Afraid of what may happen if you say anything, you keep these beautiful precious feelings locked away in your heart. Burying them for all eternity.

Just so you can keep him close.

Just so you can see that goofy smile of his again.

Just so he'll continue to hear you whine about your lousy group mates and assignment.

Just so he'll be there for you.

Just so he'll stay your best friend and nobody can question your actions.

Just that is enough, right?

Be satisfied, my greedy heart.

All That Was and Could Be

I miss all that was and could be,
The butterflies that creep into you when you see his smile
Or when his hand reaches across the table to hold yours,
That embrace that holds your soul together,
Your head on his shoulder, letting you know that it’ll be ok,
The thought of him that spreads a smile on your face,
The endless late night conversations that doesn’t really make sense but leaves you with this overwhelming feeling of happiness,
The way he runs his fingers through every strand of your hair and making you feel like a child again,
The way your fingers intertwine just as your brush it against his,
The way he knows just by hearing your voice that you’ve had a bad day and just need to pour your heart away,
When he listens without a word and reprehends you subtly so you won’t
get hurt,
Laughing at the pet names he comes up for you,
Being in a circle of friends and sharing a thought so secret that you share it with a flicker and a graceful smile,
The way he kisses you goodbye for the world to see, to let the world know you’re his,
The way he talks about marriage and kids not knowing that you’re crying softly on the other line,
When he watches the “The Notebook” with you and tells you that it’s going to be us in 30 years from now,
When he shows at your door with a small bouquet he got from your neighbors garden,
How he purposely and annoyingly forgets its Valentines and surprises you with a lovely candlelight dinner at the park,
How he tries to cook you dinner but you end up having a microwave meal,
The way he sings a tune by Jason Mraz at 3am at your window,pissing off your whole neighborhood cause his out of tune,
When he sits next to your brother and tries his very best to assemble his complex looking robotic toy,
The way he grabs you and slow dances to the sappiest lovely song ever written,
How he helps your mum around the kitchen in a rather awkward manner,
The way he wraps his arms around you when you’re curled in a ball on the couch watching your favorite TV show,
How he calls you after a fight and tells you how he was the biggest jerk on the planet,
The way he gets you your favorite chocolate on a Monday morning,
How he exhales softly when you walk down the staircase in your new red dress,
The way he insist on picking you up from the mall even though it’s totally out of his way,
How he takes you shopping and refuses to let you get that new hot denim skirt on the window cause it shows way too much leg or so he says,
The way he shows up at your front door soaking from head to toe from the storm outside cause you were afraid of being home alone,
How he gets you a puppy for your birthday though his allergic to dog fur,
The way he gets you to skip school and escape to the beach for a lovely picnic,
The way he trusts you when you’re doing 160 in his car down the highway,
The dark stare he gives the guy that randomly throws his arm around when his known you for 5 seconds,
This was all that was and could have been
This is my version of a fairy tale,
This is what I would love to have had and had a glimpse of….

{If only Prince charming was sold on eBay}
-Izzy-