Invisible Ability.

Superheroes are something mystical and magical. What defines them are the super powers and inhumane abilities. Sometimes I wonder if I am one too.

I'm always by your side. I'm always there for you.

I'm always cheering for you and will always be on your side.

Yet, you don't see me.

I figured I must have the invisible ability.

Best friends of the opposite ( and now in today's world, even the same.. ) sexes. I hardly need to say anything more and most, if not all, of you would know the dangers of it. Emotions that may develop as you maintain that long string of friendship years. And then it just blows up in your face.

You know your best friend the best. You've been through thick and thin. You've also had your fair share of good times. Even watched him grow up. And also watched him go through his share of bimbos and lousy girlfriends. Through all that, you've always been by his side, supporting, cheering and loving him.

And yet, he doesn't see you as someone who could become his life partner. Heck, he doesn't even give you a chance. Afraid of what may happen if you say anything, you keep these beautiful precious feelings locked away in your heart. Burying them for all eternity.

Just so you can keep him close.

Just so you can see that goofy smile of his again.

Just so he'll continue to hear you whine about your lousy group mates and assignment.

Just so he'll be there for you.

Just so he'll stay your best friend and nobody can question your actions.

Just that is enough, right?

Be satisfied, my greedy heart.

Today is Enough.

I learned many things when I was young. Many of those things crushed and put and end to my blissful childhood. Such as, Santa Claus isn't real. And the toothfairy really was my mummy leaving money under my pillow. When I was really young, I also learned that forever doesn't exist.

My best friends used to say " We'll be best friends forever."

Many of them I hardly even remember anymore.

" I'll be with you forever." Many boys have said this till sometimes you wonder if it's only lip service. A sort of obligation that each of them are required to profess to you.

None of these ever happened. Forever is like a mystical elusive beast. One of which I have never encountered. I have also never heard or seen it existing in reality. Seeing is believing, right?

So when you say, " You'll love me forever ", what am I supposed to think?

I'm sorry I doubt you when you say such things to me.

I know it hurts you when you think that I don't trust you.

That I don't believe you when you speak of your visions of eternal happiness together.

Of shared memories, happy moments and lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed together for the rest of our lives.

But how do you know that what we have, what we share is able to withstand the test of time? Of emotional volcanic eruptions that are sure to come? Are we strong enough? Will I be able to see the relationship through? It doesn't even have to be in a romantic sense.

What if you move to a far far away land? Will you keep in touch? Will I see you? Or what if I wrong you so badly that you can't even stand the sight of me? How will you hold my hand through those tough times anymore?

So don't speak to me about forever.

I just want to hear about today. Please.

Bestfriend Shackles.

I sit across you at the restaurant and watch you gush about that girl you're so in love with. Your eyes light up with such affection and intensity, your cheeks tainted just the slightest pink and your smile; Your smile is one of pure bliss and happiness that you've finally found that one special person you can hold close. You speak about her 24/7 but I guess it's only to be expected for smitten couples. How I wish I could have even just a fraction of that.

I'm the perfect best friend. I'm playing my role as I should. As what is expected of me. I listen, advise and understand all you're going through.

I hurt when you hurt.

I console you when you're down.

I'm there for you when you're on the verge of insanity.

I'm worried about your well being.

I want to make it all better but I know I can't. That fact alone kills me.

When the storm between the both of you have passed, I'm glad you're happy again. I really try my best to feel happy for you.. As I should.

But I feel like a fraud.

Why? Because although I play the role of the perfect best friend, at the back of my mind, there is a nagging thought that refuses to leave me be.

I want you to break up with her!

How can I pretend to tell you to keep trying, keep going and it's all going to be better?

" Don't worry, you'll overcome this bump in the road. I know you can. She's the one. Don't fret, she loves you. And you love her! Just give it some time. Only time will tell. Don't give up, she's too special to lose! "

Can you imagine how much it kills me to say such things to you? In actuality I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, " Dump her and be with me!" But I can't. Because I'm the best friend. I'm not supposed to do things like that. I should be encouraging you, uplifting you and wanting you to be happy always. Because I care for you. And love you.

So here I am again, sitting across you as you gush about her even more. Probably telling me what a wreck you've been the entire week because you had a fight but miss her so much.

And here I am, telling you to go back to her instead of ending it and.. Just picking me over her.

Because I am the best friend. Never the girlfriend.

I always wished you'd been mine.

Journey to El Dorado Gone Bad

I've had a very epiphany-full weekend. Tons of self realization and slaps in the face! And at the end of it all, I wonder, " Was I blind ?"

It was as though I was in the amazon jungle trying to find El Dorado, the city of gold! With nothing more than a parang in my hand, I fought through thick and thin to get to my destination. After putting in so much effort, blood and sweat, I finally found El Dorado! But wait, it's not the city of gold. It's just a rock; A big fat useless ROCK!

Have you any idea how disappointed I am? To have so much hope, expectations, respect and then to have it all blow up in your face, it just.. It hurts! It's frustrating! It makes me angry!

I don't care that rocks, under the right pressures can bloom into a diamond.

I don't care how much potential is has!

I don't care that it may be worth millions later!

I don't care! I don't care! I don't care!

BECAUSE, right now it's still just a rock. What if's and could be's doesn't matter.

All that matters right now is what is in front of me at this moment.

And it is still, a rock.

Has anyone encounters situations like that before? You think the world of the other person ( may be a boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other or best friend even.. ) only to find out they are actually not all you thought they were. You pour so much into the relationship and while it goes on, you think it's all good, the best and you lasted for so long! But one day, it ends and when all the biased feelings are gone, you see their true selves. And it's so ugly. You wonder what kept you from seeing that giant elephant right in front of you.

But all is not lost, because it has ended.

And you have seen.

And that's all that matters right now.

So, just try not to make the same mistake again because if you do, the one hurt will be you.

Honesty, how much is too much?

It's the raya weekend! And I'm still the only one posting. Sighhh.. I guess I should be used to it by now.

I'm going to begin with, " Honesty, the best policy ".
Now onward with our post :)

Let's just say you're about to start dating. Everyone around you gives you this same advice, " Just be yourself ".

But just how much of yourself should you be?

For instance, if you are a person who enjoys dirty humor, should you be looking for someone else who doesn't think dirty humor is the funniest thing on the planet? Definitely not if he wants to have a steady foundation in their relationship. So why do people still omit this important part of who they are when they meet another person?

You probably think that, " No girl is going to like that sort of thing " or " That wouldn't be a good conversation topic if I want her to like me ". But if this topic is so important to you, then why would you date someone on a different wavelength or frequency? The relationship then probably wouldn't even last that long.

Maybe that isn't really the case. Perhaps it's more like you're an avid gamer. In a conversation, you bring up the subject only to be shot down. But really, is it a loss for you? Rejection of this sort is the worst because this makes you feel nerdy, unsociable or not up to the other's expectations. It's ridiculous!

Ultimately, this sort of honestly comes down to this. If two people have TOO different tastes, what type of a relationship could they ever have? None.

Unless of course you're looking for something that doesn't last too long, say a one night stand or something of that nature then, by all means, " Hide the face, and F*** the base!" ( sorry for being crude.. )

But I'm not done just yet. One more thought. You're in a relationship, and your significant other comes up to you and says something that breaks your heart. For example, " I don't know what degree of love I have for you ". Whatever the other person says is for now, besides the point. What I'm trying to get at is this. Your significant other is just wanting to be honest with you! But it would hurt you so badly, yet a relationship is based on trust and honesty. ur heart.

My question to you is, honestly, how much honesty is too much?
Please let me know your thoughts, I'd really like to know.

Pages of Memory..

While in the shower this morning, I was giving myself a head massage and began thinking about highschool. I remembered this story. You decide on the moral yourself :)

When I was 15 ( wow, I can't believe it's been 4 years already.. ), a boy asked me to go out with him. He was a new kid, transferred in that very year and was quite geeky/nerdy. However, he had such a deep voice that didn't suit his almost childish features and style back then. Apart from that, I guess what took me in was also his vast vocabulary ( I love the english language and literature and the like.. ) and for once in my life, I felt like I had met someone on parr with me and I didn't have to ( this is going to sound really bitchy but deal with it.. ) go down to their level to communicate. He understood me and we could banter intelligently!

So yes, I did fancy him but yet, he was still labelled " uncool " and I was so worried with what everyone else ( I guess I had not much of a backbone then. I'm so glad I have changed ). So when he asked me out, I froze! I remember that I came to the decision in my mind that I didn't mind dating him and I'd give it a try. However, when I opened my mouth the complete opposite came out and I ended up rejecting him.

I know I should've done something about it ( and I know this sounds stupid ) but it happened so fast! I didn't know what was happening. It was like one moment he asked, the next I answered then he walked away looking oh-so-dejected and it didn't even register in my brain what I had said until he dissapeared in the crowd.

I. Should. Have. Been. Shot.

Two years later we were both 17 and somehow or another we ended up giving it another shot, the whole dating thing. Because of a misunderstanding, we ended up " breaking-up " after only a really short period of time. I thought that once I got my head together I might go clear up the misunderstanding only to learn that he had moved on.

What do I mean? A few days after we split, I heard that he had a new girl that he fancied. I was upset. Perhaps even crushed. To make matters worst, the girl and I shared the same name. But it doesn't end there. We were so alike in character and behavior that I felt he replaced me! Just like that.

I was furious! It occured to me that maybe I didn't mean that much to him if he could just take a substitute easily. So yes, I was very sad. I was very angry. And this whole story, part of my life incident has been a regret I have had until this morning.

It dawned on me that I didn't really like him as a boyfriend.

I was probably inflatuated and I liked the attention he was giving me. And yes, I did enjoy his company because he was such a good sport and we shared many things in common. He was fun, witty ( which I have learned I am drawn to as well.. ) and charming in a goofy way.

I liked him.

I fancied him.

I loved him as a friend.

But I wasn't in love with him.

I was in love with the idea of a boyfriend.

And I have only realized it today, in the shower, while giving myself a head massage.

I'm glad I'm over it :)

BL : Deciding Dates..

You know, it takes a lot of courage to ask " The Question " and I'm not only talking about popping the question for the ( hopefully ) final plunge. In short, asking someone to be your significant other, takes lots of guts, you know? So, lets just say you've gotten over that stage and you're convinced you really want to do this. Okay, fair enough.

Now, the thing is, when do you do it? How do you pick a day out of the entire 365 days we have in a year? Which date would be worth to signify the start of the " our " day?

Well, for some they like to do it on special holidays or worst yet, on birthdays and such. Which is okay, I think? But here's my take on it.

NEVER. EVER. Do it on your birthday, Christmas, new year or whatever else special date there is out there. Why? It's simple! Think about your future. For instance, if this.. relationship doesn't work out and you guys happened to get together on your birthday, imagine what you would be remembering every year from then on? You'll be thinking/missing the other person on that day each other. You can hardly ever enjoy the event fully that way!

I don't know what brought this thought on.

Maybe because it's my birthday. Who knows.

Anyways, my advice is.. there are so many other days out there. Just pick one that doesn't happen to be your birthday, christmas or whatever, kay?

Besides, you'll get two presents that way!

Instead of that El Cheapo combining two gifts into one. lol..