Brokee or Broker?

I know. After such long silence, I'm going on a massive post overload.
Why? Maybe because it's February.
You know, that mushy month with a day where all couples all over the world try to outdo one another with mushy things for their significant other.
No, I'm not bitter. Never..

Ever wondered why love is scary?

Essentially, loving someone is placing yourself in the hands of another person and making yourself totally vulnerable to dissapointment, frustration and heartache caused by them, be it intentional or not.

But you know what? That's the bit I can get past. ( or at least, I think I can. Fine, maybe not but for the sake of this post, let's just say I can, okay. ) There's some element of risk in anything, and there are all sorts of squishy reasons to go ahead and allow yourself that vulnerablity. The sticky part, as I see it, is something like this;

What if I end up being the one causing the dissapointment, frustration and heartache? Can I actually trust myself with this gift that the other person is willing to share with me? I am so imperfect, so prone to hurting another's feelings and entertaining my overactive imagination. What if somehow, I end up being the one to cause the damage?

I can't stand that idea. It terrifies me. To just think about hurting that one person I care so much about, it's unimaginable. I'd rather bite my tongue. And thus, these thoughts peck at my brain, attempting to drive me mad fretting about something that's not even visible on the horizon at this point in time. Or at any point in time in the foreseeable future.

I'm that pathetic.

Perhaps I just need some rest and everything will go away...