Wash the grief away..

This is a sub post from my very morbid thoughts on my own site. I somehow thought it would belong better here. Don't ask me why. It's probably because this needs an update before the end of May. And I can't come up with anything else.

Sometimes you bottle things up and claim that they do not affect you, not even the least. That is, till months pass and the wound has now turned gangrene. There's nothing more you can do but to cut it off, and let it go.

If you ever have to cry... Do it in the bathroom.

When your make-up has run and your mascara is gone, you can just say it was because you had your head under the tap. The splashing of the water as they make contact with the sink will cover up your chokes and sobs. The best part is that people in the next room won't ever know. The steams will then rise and soothe your puffy eyes, and if it doesn't, you can just say the water was too hot.

If you ever have to cry... Do it alone.

Like an animal goes to die, if you have tears, go and hide. Don't pollute your pillow with teardrops that will evaporate and leave tear stains, worst yet if they fog your dreams. Don't wait until you're at the bus stop in your dress suit with new straps to boot and try to conceal it behind your sunnies. All the commuters will see in the involuntary twist of your mouth, what should have been left at home. Don't save it up until someone innocently asks if you're okay. You will most certainly break.

If you ever have to cry... Do it alone and in the shower.

You can turn on the water hot and hard. You can huddle against the wall and hold your own shaking naked skin. Your face can be a private, humiliated mess of snot and salicylic acid. You can cry and cry and cry and think of all the bad things. You can collapse there, drowning in all your misery until the water heater can take no more. The shower will wash all those tears and all those thoughts down the drain. When you get out and step into your towel, the last spasm may come but you will be strong.

You pat your body dry and your eyes, too. You leave your sadness in the swirl of steam that will float away as soon as you open the door.

And that, my friend, is the only way to cry all the grief that is in your heart, out. Oh, shucks would you look at that, there's still some left.