I miss all that was and could be,
The butterflies that creep into you when you see his smile
Or when his hand reaches across the table to hold yours,
That embrace that holds your soul together,
Your head on his shoulder, letting you know that it’ll be ok,
The thought of him that spreads a smile on your face,
The endless late night conversations that doesn’t really make sense but leaves you with this overwhelming feeling of happiness,
The way he runs his fingers through every strand of your hair and making you feel like a child again,
The way your fingers intertwine just as your brush it against his,
The way he knows just by hearing your voice that you’ve had a bad day and just need to pour your heart away,
When he listens without a word and reprehends you subtly so you won’t
get hurt,
Laughing at the pet names he comes up for you,
Being in a circle of friends and sharing a thought so secret that you share it with a flicker and a graceful smile,
The way he kisses you goodbye for the world to see, to let the world know you’re his,
The way he talks about marriage and kids not knowing that you’re crying softly on the other line,
When he watches the “The Notebook” with you and tells you that it’s going to be us in 30 years from now,
When he shows at your door with a small bouquet he got from your neighbors garden,
How he purposely and annoyingly forgets its Valentines and surprises you with a lovely candlelight dinner at the park,
How he tries to cook you dinner but you end up having a microwave meal,
The way he sings a tune by Jason Mraz at 3am at your window,pissing off your whole neighborhood cause his out of tune,
When he sits next to your brother and tries his very best to assemble his complex looking robotic toy,
The way he grabs you and slow dances to the sappiest lovely song ever written,
How he helps your mum around the kitchen in a rather awkward manner,
The way he wraps his arms around you when you’re curled in a ball on the couch watching your favorite TV show,
How he calls you after a fight and tells you how he was the biggest jerk on the planet,
The way he gets you your favorite chocolate on a Monday morning,
How he exhales softly when you walk down the staircase in your new red dress,
The way he insist on picking you up from the mall even though it’s totally out of his way,
How he takes you shopping and refuses to let you get that new hot denim skirt on the window cause it shows way too much leg or so he says,
The way he shows up at your front door soaking from head to toe from the storm outside cause you were afraid of being home alone,
How he gets you a puppy for your birthday though his allergic to dog fur,
The way he gets you to skip school and escape to the beach for a lovely picnic,
The way he trusts you when you’re doing 160 in his car down the highway,
The dark stare he gives the guy that randomly throws his arm around when his known you for 5 seconds,
This was all that was and could have been
This is my version of a fairy tale,
This is what I would love to have had and had a glimpse of….
{If only Prince charming was sold on eBay}
-Izzy-
Friday, March 6, 2009
i know i know. it's been ages since i wrote a post here. have been busy. was doing applications to go to the us and i am glad to say that i've gotten accepted into every single uni i applied to.
anyways thats besides the point. i want to talk about LDR (long distance relationships). its an issue for me now that i am going to be overseas. the parentals have unconsciously inserted the fact that they think i should be boyfriend-less before going to the states, giving an example of a friend that went to the us first, leaving his gf behind here. but she eventually joined him in the us. so, no biggie.
well. what if you had to leave the person you love behind? what will you do? thats that main question. all this time, a lot of people have said to me the LDR's are a no no, a guarenteed failure. well, here are a couple of steps that a friend of mine had penned down about how to keep LDR's going. whether it'll work or not, i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Both party would have to put in the extra effort and be EQUALLY committed.
anyways thats besides the point. i want to talk about LDR (long distance relationships). its an issue for me now that i am going to be overseas. the parentals have unconsciously inserted the fact that they think i should be boyfriend-less before going to the states, giving an example of a friend that went to the us first, leaving his gf behind here. but she eventually joined him in the us. so, no biggie.
well. what if you had to leave the person you love behind? what will you do? thats that main question. all this time, a lot of people have said to me the LDR's are a no no, a guarenteed failure. well, here are a couple of steps that a friend of mine had penned down about how to keep LDR's going. whether it'll work or not, i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Both party would have to put in the extra effort and be EQUALLY committed.
- make time for each other.
- talk to each other at least everyday.
- don't think pessimistically.
- don't listen to his friends or your friends (you just don't know what their intentions are)
- snail mail each other. woohoo.
- ask the 10 or 100 or 1000 questions about each other (even before, I did this with Iman)
- play truth or dare (don't be too insensitive to your partner please ...)
- I got this from a website COOK & EAT together : "My boyfriend Neil and I are an ocean apart. (He is in England, I am in Michigan, USA.) On special days, usually Friday, we'll have a date night. A day or two before we'll plan a meal (We take turns giving each other recipes.) so that we can buy ingredients. We then dress how we would if we could really be together that night and eat together. This would be good with webcams, but neither of us owns one that works so we use chatrooms that we make ourselves. (iScribble, MSN, dA chatrooms, etc.) IMVU is also a very good idea for this, because you can dress your persona to how you would look. Try it! It's cute and fun, not to mention a good way to learn about the culture they're used to or one that they admire."
- Consider the fact that living far apart gives you both a chance to grow as individuals. Some couples 'break up' to find themselves but in a long distance relationship you both have enough space to do your own things and still have a connection.
- have hope for the both of you, you've come so far as one ... don't give up your loving in vain.
- Long distance relationships are difficult, as you are emotionally attached to a person you cannot touch or comfort and this can hurt your heart and wreak havoc with your emotions. The only way to make these relationships work is if you and your partner honestly believe you will be able to survive without each other for a considerable amount of time without the need or desire to be with someone else. (if you have plans or thoughts to be with someone else, get out of the relationship fast... it'll save the heartbreak!)
Monday, March 2, 2009
It's All About Two People
This is my first post for the year! And exactly 3 months has gone by...my gosh!..*bah*
I have to add an extra New Year resolution to update this blog more!!!
I have to add an extra New Year resolution to update this blog more!!!
I'm hoping for exciting things this year. New adventures and new experiences.I'm just need in need of things afreash...
Anyhoos...
The other day a friend of mine was going on about how this year is bad luck for relationships. She was giving me quite a few examples of this theory she's come up with. Going on about the many couples she knew who were amazing together but somehow just dissolved away so quickly. Leaving one very broken person and one very single person who can't wait to celebrate his/her's new found freedom.
She went on and on to the pointm that she nearly got me believing in this whole thing. I mean not only from her her view, but I've seen quite a few couples myself break up this year. Maybe it has to do with the bad economics..haha
But I realized that in the end, it's not about the luck or the year. It's really up to you. To sustain and maintain a healthy relationship, it takes two people to put in effort, to have patience, to build a strong trust tower and to have loadz of communication. Ego and pride should be non-exsistent.Forgiveness should be given generously but to a certain limit. Appericiation should exist every single day and truth should be spoken at all cost. If you want it to last, you really have to work for it. Putting your heart and soul into it.
Well darlinz, I'll try my best update more!
xoxo
-Izzy-
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Brokee or Broker?
I know. After such long silence, I'm going on a massive post overload.
Why? Maybe because it's February.
You know, that mushy month with a day where all couples all over the world try to outdo one another with mushy things for their significant other.
No, I'm not bitter. Never..
Ever wondered why love is scary?
Essentially, loving someone is placing yourself in the hands of another person and making yourself totally vulnerable to dissapointment, frustration and heartache caused by them, be it intentional or not.
But you know what? That's the bit I can get past. ( or at least, I think I can. Fine, maybe not but for the sake of this post, let's just say I can, okay. ) There's some element of risk in anything, and there are all sorts of squishy reasons to go ahead and allow yourself that vulnerablity. The sticky part, as I see it, is something like this;
What if I end up being the one causing the dissapointment, frustration and heartache? Can I actually trust myself with this gift that the other person is willing to share with me? I am so imperfect, so prone to hurting another's feelings and entertaining my overactive imagination. What if somehow, I end up being the one to cause the damage?
I can't stand that idea. It terrifies me. To just think about hurting that one person I care so much about, it's unimaginable. I'd rather bite my tongue. And thus, these thoughts peck at my brain, attempting to drive me mad fretting about something that's not even visible on the horizon at this point in time. Or at any point in time in the foreseeable future.
I'm that pathetic.
Perhaps I just need some rest and everything will go away...
Why? Maybe because it's February.
You know, that mushy month with a day where all couples all over the world try to outdo one another with mushy things for their significant other.
No, I'm not bitter. Never..
Ever wondered why love is scary?
Essentially, loving someone is placing yourself in the hands of another person and making yourself totally vulnerable to dissapointment, frustration and heartache caused by them, be it intentional or not.
But you know what? That's the bit I can get past. ( or at least, I think I can. Fine, maybe not but for the sake of this post, let's just say I can, okay. ) There's some element of risk in anything, and there are all sorts of squishy reasons to go ahead and allow yourself that vulnerablity. The sticky part, as I see it, is something like this;
What if I end up being the one causing the dissapointment, frustration and heartache? Can I actually trust myself with this gift that the other person is willing to share with me? I am so imperfect, so prone to hurting another's feelings and entertaining my overactive imagination. What if somehow, I end up being the one to cause the damage?
I can't stand that idea. It terrifies me. To just think about hurting that one person I care so much about, it's unimaginable. I'd rather bite my tongue. And thus, these thoughts peck at my brain, attempting to drive me mad fretting about something that's not even visible on the horizon at this point in time. Or at any point in time in the foreseeable future.
I'm that pathetic.
Perhaps I just need some rest and everything will go away...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Lost Love.
I'm all about depressing posts lately. Bear with me. I'm posting these because, well, I have nothing more interesting to say and I don't want the blog to die either, okay! It's a good blog, even though not many read it. They probably drop in once in a blue moon but that's okay. Why? Because I'm writing for me. And you. Not them.
It sucks, you know, lost love. There're many forms, believe me, many many forms but, I think the worst lost loves are the childhood crushes. The Charlie Brown " little red-haired girl " ones. The loves that were so lost you never had them in the first place. And then inevitably, ten, twenty, maybe forty years later you run into one another and it's entirely awkward. You can call out your whole army of awkward turtles for this one.
What if he doesn't remember you? What if you've grown so senile you've forgotten him? Somehow you both get through the coyness and shyness and learn that back then, both of you did have a thing for each other and gee, why didn't you ever do anything about it? Neither of you know, really. You think back and come up with excuses but it doesn't matter.
It's too late.
Lost opportunity. Lost chances. Lost love.
Well, it's not too late, is it? You're both here now. And that's all that matters. You're both mature adults. So maybe you'd manage to get a hotel room or do the ' your place or mine ' thing. Then you get it on and the results is almost always so anti climatic. Of course it is! Because a person can never compete with the fantasy that the other person invented years ago. It's like Donald Duck trying to fly faster than Superman.
Or worse; One of you is taken. In the interum of the decades of lost love, one of you got tired of waiting and settled for someon who wasn't as good as the fantasy of the lost lover. You know what they say, there's plenty of fish in the sea. And why did they do it? It's because ( and this is the most important part ever ) THEY WERE THERE WHEN IT GOT COLD. So, there's not this other person in the picture who wasn't there twenty or thirty years ago and if she got involved, gee whiz, this might get complicated. So you begin thinking about all the ' damned if you do, daned if you don't ' scenarios. And ultimately, you realize what I've told you from the beginning.
That lost love really sucks.
It sucks, you know, lost love. There're many forms, believe me, many many forms but, I think the worst lost loves are the childhood crushes. The Charlie Brown " little red-haired girl " ones. The loves that were so lost you never had them in the first place. And then inevitably, ten, twenty, maybe forty years later you run into one another and it's entirely awkward. You can call out your whole army of awkward turtles for this one.
What if he doesn't remember you? What if you've grown so senile you've forgotten him? Somehow you both get through the coyness and shyness and learn that back then, both of you did have a thing for each other and gee, why didn't you ever do anything about it? Neither of you know, really. You think back and come up with excuses but it doesn't matter.
It's too late.
Lost opportunity. Lost chances. Lost love.
Well, it's not too late, is it? You're both here now. And that's all that matters. You're both mature adults. So maybe you'd manage to get a hotel room or do the ' your place or mine ' thing. Then you get it on and the results is almost always so anti climatic. Of course it is! Because a person can never compete with the fantasy that the other person invented years ago. It's like Donald Duck trying to fly faster than Superman.
Or worse; One of you is taken. In the interum of the decades of lost love, one of you got tired of waiting and settled for someon who wasn't as good as the fantasy of the lost lover. You know what they say, there's plenty of fish in the sea. And why did they do it? It's because ( and this is the most important part ever ) THEY WERE THERE WHEN IT GOT COLD. So, there's not this other person in the picture who wasn't there twenty or thirty years ago and if she got involved, gee whiz, this might get complicated. So you begin thinking about all the ' damned if you do, daned if you don't ' scenarios. And ultimately, you realize what I've told you from the beginning.
That lost love really sucks.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Shabby may just be Right.
Today is such a.. lazy Sunday.
Sure, I'm studying but at such a leisure pace.
I'm actually rather terrified about my PR exam. Honest!
Have I mentioned I haven't even bought the PR textbook and it's midterms already?
Yeah, bummer.
I have an interesting story for you today.
__________________________________________________
There once was a girl. She was a pastor's kid, a nice good girl with a steady boyfriend. She was quite a looker really, attractive and smart with a good heart. Who wouldn't fall for her right? And, she did indeed have her fair share of admirers. Trust me on that.
And there was this one guy. He didn't come from a very rich family, rather, he was only average. Not that good looking, more normal and maybe just a tinche Shabby. He worked at the same company as the girl and had liked her for a long time. Each time he approached her, she would politely turn him down.
One day, a whole bunch of them went out drinking one night after work. They were all pretty tipsy, some even drunk. The girl in our story was one of them who was dead drunk. The guy offered to take her home since he was one of the only sober ones around. The rest didn't object and they left the shop to go on home.
They detoured from the way back to the girls house. He brought her to a motel and right there and then, he took her. She was semiconscious and by the time she woke up the next morning, it was all too late; She had been defiled.
There went her life. There went her dreams. What about her boyfriend? What about her life? Her family? Her future? What was to happen to her? People would surely look down on her now. She was.. a black sheep now. Tained.
But the guy was so sorry after that. He went to the family and apologized; he was so ashamed and sad that he had hurt her so. He just loved her so much. How would he justify his actions when they were just purely out of love? In the end, he proposed to her. He took responsibility.
The girl's boyfriend told her that it would be okay. He would still accept her even after she had been touched by someone else. Things didn't seem so bleak now, did they? I mean, people weren't throwing tomatoes at her at least.
However, she was so torn up inside. She had always believed that the one person that took her, she would marry. It broke her heart to think that because of that, if she chose to stick to her values/morals, she might end up marrying someone she didn't even love. And that she did. She married the guy.
And this is where the story ends.
_____________________________________________________
Doesn't that just kill you? To have your chance of a happy ending taken away from you. It's a real story by the way. Not a fiction of my imagination, sadly. It always almost makes me cry all the time whenever I hear it. I mean, it just pulls at your heart strings, you know?
And for the record, the guy and the girl are happily married right now with a daughter. She loves him and he loves her more than ever before. Everyone can see that. So, she did make the right choice. Though she never got the chance to marry her rich boyfriend ( who was the son of some jewelers ) she did get her happy ending, though in their case, they did a sort of backward dating.
It just goes to prove that you can learn to love someone.
Sure, I'm studying but at such a leisure pace.
I'm actually rather terrified about my PR exam. Honest!
Have I mentioned I haven't even bought the PR textbook and it's midterms already?
Yeah, bummer.
I have an interesting story for you today.
__________________________________________________
There once was a girl. She was a pastor's kid, a nice good girl with a steady boyfriend. She was quite a looker really, attractive and smart with a good heart. Who wouldn't fall for her right? And, she did indeed have her fair share of admirers. Trust me on that.
And there was this one guy. He didn't come from a very rich family, rather, he was only average. Not that good looking, more normal and maybe just a tinche Shabby. He worked at the same company as the girl and had liked her for a long time. Each time he approached her, she would politely turn him down.
One day, a whole bunch of them went out drinking one night after work. They were all pretty tipsy, some even drunk. The girl in our story was one of them who was dead drunk. The guy offered to take her home since he was one of the only sober ones around. The rest didn't object and they left the shop to go on home.
They detoured from the way back to the girls house. He brought her to a motel and right there and then, he took her. She was semiconscious and by the time she woke up the next morning, it was all too late; She had been defiled.
There went her life. There went her dreams. What about her boyfriend? What about her life? Her family? Her future? What was to happen to her? People would surely look down on her now. She was.. a black sheep now. Tained.
But the guy was so sorry after that. He went to the family and apologized; he was so ashamed and sad that he had hurt her so. He just loved her so much. How would he justify his actions when they were just purely out of love? In the end, he proposed to her. He took responsibility.
The girl's boyfriend told her that it would be okay. He would still accept her even after she had been touched by someone else. Things didn't seem so bleak now, did they? I mean, people weren't throwing tomatoes at her at least.
However, she was so torn up inside. She had always believed that the one person that took her, she would marry. It broke her heart to think that because of that, if she chose to stick to her values/morals, she might end up marrying someone she didn't even love. And that she did. She married the guy.
And this is where the story ends.
_____________________________________________________
Doesn't that just kill you? To have your chance of a happy ending taken away from you. It's a real story by the way. Not a fiction of my imagination, sadly. It always almost makes me cry all the time whenever I hear it. I mean, it just pulls at your heart strings, you know?
And for the record, the guy and the girl are happily married right now with a daughter. She loves him and he loves her more than ever before. Everyone can see that. So, she did make the right choice. Though she never got the chance to marry her rich boyfriend ( who was the son of some jewelers ) she did get her happy ending, though in their case, they did a sort of backward dating.
It just goes to prove that you can learn to love someone.
The Little Things.
Do you know what's the hardest part of it all? The hardest things about unrequited love is not that I can never experience you holding me in your arms, not that I will never know the feel of your rough stubble when our lips meet, not that I will never know how it feels like to have you make love to me. Sure, those things can be difficult but they aren't the hardest things.
The toughest things are being unable to send you the love letters, being unable to hug you whenever I want, and being unable to entwine our fingers when they brush against each other. It is being unable to do all of the infinitesimal things that love requests me to do that really drives me insane. Love is like that. It desires, of it's own accord, to be expressed in some form. It is a constant force, driving my actions, telling me to reach out and just touch you, only for an instant, just the slightest brush of my fingertips against your face. Sometimes, I think the endless bliss of such a thing would be enough to stop my heart. And what a sublime way it would be to go.
Love moves all on its own. It requires no encouragement and no motivation. It is as if some sort of intricate and beautifully delicate perpetual motion machine has been set loose inside of me. Only you could do this. I cannot stop it and I cannot let it run free. It runs and runs and I wonder what it would sound like if it were a real motor turning within me. An exquisite sweet hum, and perhaps a sound like wind chimes on a summer afternoon. Still, the actions which it desires must be held in check. To use a silly metaphor that only a boy as wonderful as you would appreciate, I have to hold my foot on the clutch all day long.
It's all worth it though. I still get to write the love letters, even if I can't send them. And I do ask you for hugs, though I can't have them all the time. Perhaps once in a great while you might accidentally brush against my fingers with your hand, and even if it does not stop my heart, please do not be surprised when I stumble in mid-step because my knees have given way, and my voice gets caught in my throat as I try to explain what I would like to have for lunch. Only you could do this, and I would only ever want you to be the one who led me to such a state.
It's official. I need a life.
The toughest things are being unable to send you the love letters, being unable to hug you whenever I want, and being unable to entwine our fingers when they brush against each other. It is being unable to do all of the infinitesimal things that love requests me to do that really drives me insane. Love is like that. It desires, of it's own accord, to be expressed in some form. It is a constant force, driving my actions, telling me to reach out and just touch you, only for an instant, just the slightest brush of my fingertips against your face. Sometimes, I think the endless bliss of such a thing would be enough to stop my heart. And what a sublime way it would be to go.
Love moves all on its own. It requires no encouragement and no motivation. It is as if some sort of intricate and beautifully delicate perpetual motion machine has been set loose inside of me. Only you could do this. I cannot stop it and I cannot let it run free. It runs and runs and I wonder what it would sound like if it were a real motor turning within me. An exquisite sweet hum, and perhaps a sound like wind chimes on a summer afternoon. Still, the actions which it desires must be held in check. To use a silly metaphor that only a boy as wonderful as you would appreciate, I have to hold my foot on the clutch all day long.
It's all worth it though. I still get to write the love letters, even if I can't send them. And I do ask you for hugs, though I can't have them all the time. Perhaps once in a great while you might accidentally brush against my fingers with your hand, and even if it does not stop my heart, please do not be surprised when I stumble in mid-step because my knees have given way, and my voice gets caught in my throat as I try to explain what I would like to have for lunch. Only you could do this, and I would only ever want you to be the one who led me to such a state.
It's official. I need a life.
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