Crazy In Love or Just Plain Love?

This came to me while Bloob Bloob was driving back, with me lying between the passenger and the driver's seat, while trying to talk to Ah Yee and Izzy. Ramblings really. 

Please let me know if you have something to say. I'd love it if you actually left a comment instead of the chatbox. That way I can actually keep track of it and look back. It just vanishes in the chatbox.

There's this person, who makes you feel like you're on top of the world. The feelings you feel with this person is beyond how others make you feel. In short, you're really really into him/her. So much so that you don't even see others; You don't take notice of them. You only have eyes for this individual. It might register in your brain that another guy is good looking but there are no forces of attraction beyond that.

But things don't seem to be smooth sailing between you guys. Probably will never end up together. Not in a million years.

Then there's this other person in your life. This one seems more like the " back-up plan " and second fiddle than anything else. You enjoy each other's company, there's some flirting here and there but, the passion and intensity isn't there as compared to the other person.

You think about it and, your mind says that this could work out between back-up guy if you work at things. So what then? What do you do?

It's a battle between your heart and your head.

Should you go for the back-up guy with whom it's just a very comfortable relationship but lack the passion and intensity? 

or..

Should you wait around for that second love to come around to sweep you off your feet again? Of course there's no guarantee that it'll happen again. I mean, how often do you meet a person who is able to ignite such feelings deep within you? Not many, that's for sure.

So, should you just grab what's in front of you though that's not really what you want? or opt for that chance that may or may not come to be once again, crazy in love. Of course, till that second love comes, you're going to be pretty lonely. I'm sure they'll be friends around but, you know it's not the same.

In the end, which will you go for? 

Crazy in love, or just plain love?

you know how in some relationships, couples fight and make up and fight and make up, and they dont fight for a long time, and then suddenly after one huge massive fight, they have a nasty breakup and probably never speak to each other again?


well, interestingly, i heard and read a theory about that and i'm gonna share it here.


there's a book romance novel in my house where it tells a story about a set of twins and a wedding and how the twin who was supposed to be getting married runs off with another dude and the remaining twin takes her place and bla bla bla. thats not the point of this though. there was one scene in the book where the newlyweds were on a plane headed for their honeymoon and they meet this elderly couple on the same plane. the elderly couple gave them a lil advice which was to never go to bed mad at each other.

oddly, my dear a certain somebody also said almost the same thing to me during most of our many fights. he told me to never end the day without knowing that he/she will be yours the next day.

i think that does help strengthen a relationship. it certainly has with mine. we do fight a lot and the main cause of all those fights is basically the mentioned big event in the previous post. and every single time before we put down the phone, he always makes sure that i am his at least for tomorrow.

the reason why the situation at the top of this post happens is cuz everytime they fight, somebody compromises and all the problems just get swept under the carpet and dont get solved. so it piles up and accumulates and then, it gets blown up in such a huge massive proportion that there is nothing that you can do to solve it but break up.

i used to be kinda am still like that. i hardly solve anything right away. everytime i get upset or i have a problem, i'll be upset and angry about it for a little bit and then i'll be smiling and happy again cuz i've taken it and locked it away inside a box. but when the box becomes full and cannot hold anything else, what was i to do? i had to empty it so that more problems can be stored inside. to my annoyance, i cant do that anymore cuz my dear will drag it out of me. we do fight about it but, i guess it has been solved by now. so it wont repeat over and over again.

well, i guess the perfect way to keep a relationship going is to tackle all problems at once and not hide it away. what do you think?

hello readers. sorry for the long absence. lately, i've been busy with quite a bit. hvnt really had any musings, well not as much as rachel la obviously. hahah:p

second chances. it get tough to decide whether a person really deserves it or not. you know the sayings 'once a cheater, always a cheater' or 'a leopard never changes its spots'. rather common sayings that shows that people who have done wrong do not deserve a second chance.

but to me, by right i think everybody deserves a second chance. well, im starting to talk about religion, but i really believe so. so, you give the person who did wrong another chance right? but who's to say that he or she won't screw it up once again? do you take the risk and leap off the cliff? or do you cling on to your safety zone, closing urself up just to protect yourself from being hurt again?

a lot of my posts come from personal experience. basically, my emotional life went haywire took a nosedive from a billion feet in the air at the end of last year. i was a wreck. seriously. rachel knows.

he aka my current...well. boyfriend, um, he got himself into a HUGE mess. when i say HUGE, i mean huge. it was such a big mess and he did hurt me quite badly until all my trust in him was gone. i trusted him a lot and just in a blink of an eye, it was shattered.

to cut the long sob story short, i gave him another chance. a final chance, with fair warning that if he ever screws up just a tiny bit, he'll be dead. haha:p but, until now, it seems to be the right thing to do. yes i do feel insecure at times where i think that he was not genuine when he begged me for a second chance and promised to not hurt me again and all that.

everytime i think back on that night where he shattered my trust and my heart, i always think whether i did the right thing in giving him another shot, whether it was worth taking the risk again, giving him another chance at.. i wont really say redeeming himself but showing me that he really wants to make us work. the doubt is there. it has been four months and still, it hurts to think back on that night.

but then now, when i mull it over, through all the fights that we've had since then, he's making full use of his last chance. i'm not gonna predict anything, but i think this might actually last. at least i hope it will. so what do you think? do you think he or she deserves a second chance?

Kettles Are Not the Enemy..

You know when you're young, just a child and you're wandering around the kitchen. Nobody else is around you. Plugged into a socket in a corner on the counter is this odd shaped thing with a pointy end. It's silver and you can see your reflection in it. There's also steam coming out from the pointy end. That's what we learned was called the kettle.

Now being the curious kid that you are, you want to touch it. Small hands take hold of the counter as you pull yourself up slightly to reach it since it's at the back of the counter. Finally it's within grasp and your small fingers make contact with it. What happens next? We all know. You release the kettle that burnt your little fingers and end up a mess of limbs on the floor in tears. 

Someone comes to your aid, probably calling the kettle a bad boy or something.. yadda yadda yadda.. You know how it goes. 

Now! Back to my post. You must be wondering about the title. I'm going to say this and you most probably wouldn't agree but, I say " It is good to have gone through heartbreak."

Woah, now. Don't be so quick to call me insane and chuck me in the looney bin. See, I'm equating touching the hot kettle for the first time with heartbreak for the first time. When you touch that kettle and it burns, you learn that touching the kettle hurts! In the same manner, when someone breaks your heart, you also learn it hurts! A lot! ( not that I would know.. )

So, since you know that if you get into a relationship and if it doesn't work out, next comes heartbreak which will hurt. Therefore, you would think twice next time about getting into a relationship and in that, you will be more cautious. 

When that happens, I think you also get a whole new perspective on relationships and life, because you wouldn't just jump right into a relationship with the next bloke that comes around. I mean if you're going to risk hurting yourself, you'll bet you'll look hard! The risk then becomes more real because you not only know the potential of heartbreak, you've experienced it for crying outloud!

In that, I conclude heartbreak is good. 

I wish I went through heartbreak.

Pffftt! That's a pretty messed up thought right there.

 

So, go get burnt by your very own kettle today! 

I highly advise it :)

TT : I'm into someone else, Sorry!

I'm posting on behalf of Izzy!

Yeah, I finally remembered what I wanted to post about.

If you haven't already heard about our adventure to Klang on Monday, I'll try my best to briefly relate it to you. 

A friend of ours, Thiru, played a prank on another friend, Daniel and to get back at him, we decided to pull a fast one on him. A little background story is that, Thiru is a close friend of Daniel and is head over heels over Izzy. Now that you're up to speed, back to my magnificent plan. 

The plan was to tell Thiru that Daniel and Izzy were now going out. Reaction? He was super upset, at one point he sounded as though he was hyperventilationg/crying and then afterwards he ignored all calls and text messages. This included even after they told him it was just a joke. 

Now, both of them ( Izzy & Daniel ) are so upset that we ( I just got pulled along for the ride ) ended up heading down to Klang just to see Thiru. When we get there, Thiru makes us wait for about 10 - 15 minutes and once he gets there, he acts all high and mighty. What do I mean? He acts as though we only deserve to grovel at his feet! He doens't even come to greet us, he just gets off his bike and walks straight into the mamak greeting everyone else but us. Acting like he's some bigshot, ignoring our existence completely, as though to say, " you should've thought about that before you decided to play the prank".

Then there was talk about how he was so upset he wanted to whack Daniel up over the little prank. And, how it was such a bad joke and he was really upset.

FUDGE YOU!

Now! Post dedicated especially to Izzy!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

If you were EVER trying to decide if you should get together with him, here are some things to consider. You know I'm not his biggest fan so it's a little biased. Try to ignore some of the biasness when reading this, yeah? 

If he gets so upset over a joke then, come on! Do you really think he would make a good boyfriend? And if he is able to even want, he doesn't even have to commit the act yet but the mere thought, of wanting to whack up a close friend would send your alarms ringing in your head already! How can you ever do that? Fine, it might not have been the best of jokes and it maybe downright bad, but that does not give you the right to want to beat up a close friend; a bestie even. It makes it sound as though friendships don't matter that much to you and you don't treasure that other person that much. If that's how you treat your bestie, I don't even want to know where the other half, girlfriend is. 

I'm not sticking around long enough to find that out. Read my lips, " Not worth it."

Then again, if he ends up crying over a joke like that, it could also mean that he really really cares about you. Also, it's quite understandable that a person's initial reaction to news like that cannot be good. I'd be even more concerned if he just said, " Oh okay. Best of luck to you both." So, I guess it's a good thing that he's serious about it and something that I'm suppose to type to make him seem like he cares and sounds smart.. but I can't. 

I cannot take a guy who just CANNOT TAKE A JOKE! 

That's not cool man. 

Especially a guy who acts like HE IS A ALL THAT AND A WHOLE BOX OF CHIPS!

Get off your freaking high horse man!

He's gotta be down to earth, able to take a joke in the end, and cannot be really upthere. I'd go crazy. I don't know about you, Izzy. Whatever you like though, I will not deny the fact that he WILL take good care of you but.. goodness! Not my cup of tea. 

it could be like a testing trick I guess; To know how important you are to him. You fill in the blanks :)

Step Outside These Walls...

I was wathing 27 dresses again. So, bare with me, okay. It's one of my most adored shows in the whole wide world. Maybe it's the wedding, the marriage, the storyline or maybe it's just James Marsden. Haha.. but I watched it again and, I ended up sobbing my eyes out again.

As we all know by now, I'm a long winded person so therefore it's going to be a long post. Hopefully not that depressing this time :) 

Jane walks into the restaurant to give George his wallet, because he's left it at the office, only to find that George's proposing to Tess. As Jane walks in, the music starts and the waiters unfold the banner that says, " Please marry me." and George goes, " No, no fellas. She's not the one."

I feel so sad for her. I mean, that's the man you're so in love with and to hear those words slip through those lips, doesn't it just break your heart? It's as though your heart just crashes onto the floor and shatters into a million pieces. And then you can hear those words echoing in your head. She's not the one. She's not the one. She's not the one. 

Rejection is never pretty, and then having to suck it up when your beloved baby sister walks through those doors and everything you've dreamed and hoped for, just gets thrown onto her lap. Everything you've worked for and you want. She gets it just like that. How can life be so unfair? Why can't I have that? And why am I not the one? Am I defective? Thoughts like that just destroy you. Rip your self esteem to shreads. And you can only question yourself; Am I not good enough?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Next they're back home and Jane's daddy hears about the engagement. He's so happy, overcomed with joy, that he walks into the backroom to fetch their mum's dress. Then, he hands its to Tess for the wedding.

Imagine you're Jane. All you've ever wanted was to have the exact same replica of your parents wedding. That dress. One that you've held precious and dear all these years. You're looking forward to it so much for that one day when your prince will sweep you off your feet and you'll be able to put on that white dress and say, " Look mum, I'm just like you. This is my day." 

But in the end, Bridezilla, Tess, gets it instead. Your heart drops to the pitch of your stomach, you can't breath and though you want to kick and cry and probably tear Tess and your daddy to shreads, you can't. Why? You've got to be happy for your baby sister. It's only proper. You're only about to lose your mind. Life's so unfair. It's suppose to be mine! Get your own freaking dream and leave mine alone!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

Jane ruins Tess and George's wedding by doing a slideshow about the ' real ' Tess and she feels horrid about it. She runs out of the restaurant and Kevin runs out after her onto the street. They're arguing about how Jane just ruined her life and Kevin says it's great that she's finally done something for herself. And the real reason he came tonight was so he could be there for her as he knew it would be difficult for her. 

The part that always brings me to tears, no matter what, is when he pulls her towards him and forces her to listen to him as he utters these very words, " But I want you to know that I think you deserve, I think you deserve more than what you've settled for. I think you deserve to be taken care of for a change. I believe that."

If I haven't said this enough, then I shall once more. Can't you see that's all I want? For me to reach the point when I shall be Jane. To deserve that; more than what I have settled for. That I deserve to be taken care of for a change. And the best part, is that someone other than I, believe that. I wouldn't be delusional that way. To be such a wishful thinker until I'm finally able to deceive and convince myself that I indeed deserve that. Every person on the face of the earth wants to know that they're good enough, nice enough, pretty enough to deserve something that special. Ultimately, to be loved. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Jane and Tess are in the hardware shop because their dad set them up and they're having it out about how Jane sabotaged Tess' wedding. After all the throwing of objects and other things, Tess finally comes clean about why she lied to George.

Tess : I just wanted to be someone he wanted. Someone he could respect. I wanted to be you.

Jane : Why? Why would you want to be me when you could be you?

How many times have we had this misunderstanding with other people? Everyone always thinks the other's life is easier, better and that the grass on the other side truly is greener. And I believe the only reason someone else can believe that is because we're such good actors to be able to convince the other person that the mask we have on truly is who we are. 

I guess in the end, we've just got to realize that other people, no matter how they try to play it off, they are insecure about themselves too. And sometimes, it's okay to have to lean onto others for a moment. After we gain our strength, then we can be who we are, for real, too. Because somewhere, outthere, someone's bound to love us. And that, includes our flaws.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After all that, the movie finally starts to move into resolve mode. Jane's wedding to Kevin Doyle finally arrives. As the bridesmaids are about to walk down the aile in the beautiful beach wedding, the camera goes back and forth between each bridesmaid and a potential partner with whom they allow you to assume are going to end up together. Then Jane's turn arrives to walk down the aile with her proud father at her side. And she starts narrating.. 

Jane : Everything was perfect. And I didn't care. Because right then, the only thing that mattered was the person waiting for me at the end of the aile. And he was looking at me the way I had always hoped. 

And then Kevin smiles. It's that look in which the whole movie relies on to make it big. The huge resolve that'll piece everything together. The whole movie snowballed to this one moment that would complete it. The feelings reflected in his eyes, just speak a million words. The adoratation, love and contentment is present.

Just like that, life might just be snowballing into that one moment we all hope for. To be able to experience it. It's the one we're tried to write over and over again in our stories and they just seem to come out wrong, or not good enough. Our perfet fairytale that we hope will happen to us; our wedding. And no matter how imperfect everything was leading up to that one moment, it wouldn't matter because those will just become minor unimportant details in the end. Look at the bigger picture, not the gritty itty bitty details.  

Once Jane arrives at the end of the aile, Kevin takes her hand. 

Kevin : So was this moment everything you hoped for? 

Jane : No... It's more. Much more. 

Marriage is a cause for celebration. 

Ammo Usage...

Lately, I've been missing you more than ever.

Maybe it's because I haven't been to KL in a while.

Maybe it's because I miss talking to you.

Maybe it's because I miss you telling me things as it is. 

Maybe it's because..

Because I just miss you.

And yet...

I can't find the courage within me to pick up the phone and dial you.

It's because I'm afraid that once I use up that chance, it'll be gone. 

That chance is all I have. When that's used up, I won't get it anymore. 

I'd be left powerless... alone. Hanging. Without any power over what might happen.

But.. if I keep that once chance, one opportunity, there might be some hope. Some chance to mend things. Make them better. Patch things up. 

And yet, the odds seem to be against me. 

Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

I hope so.

___________________________________________

I was talking to Adam just now on the way back from college. And he said quite a few things that, well, I hadn't thought about it that way before. Izzy probably knows who I'm talking about. 

Concerning the above, I do miss a friend and I haven't spoken to him in quite a long while. I don't think of him anymore than a friend, I promise. Just enjoy his company a whole lot. That's all. And well, because of something that happened in the beginning of the year, we're not really on speaking terms. And I want that to stop. Like I said, I miss him. And I don't want us to end on such a note. 

As mentioned, I'm afraid to ring him up because, what happens if he says, he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore? It would break my heart. I don't think I could deal with that. Really. I believe that. It would be my one shot at making amends. So, if I use up that chance, then I won't be able to do anything more. But if I don't, then I still have that opportunity to do so, right? Patch things up. Make things right.

Using weird gamer anology, Adam brought it into perspective.

Why would you want to keep your ammo? If you don't use it, then what's the use? You'd be killed otherwise. Even if you run out of ammo, at least you're killing more bad guys. Why save your ammo? And what're you saving your ammo for? If you don't defend yourself, you might get killed and then what? Game over. And even if you use all your bullets and lose by default, as least you gave it a shot and tried your best. 

That's all that matters, right?

Also, sometimes in a game, you have to shoot something to gain something. Like shoot a big truck to gain a health pack or more ammo, so in that way, sometimes you've got to take a chance to gain something more worthwhile. Even if it may not be your ultimate desired outcome. 

Just something to think about, everyone. 

And I think, I will call him :)