Selfish Person.

A happy new year to you all! It's great to see that there are still visitors though I haven't updated in umpteenth years. But it's a new year and we shall see what new ideas spring to mind along with the days.

In anycase, have you ever had a situation where something happened and you know something happened but you refused to mention it because you were afraid of 'fighting' so much? In a sense, it's as though you're tip toe-ing around the other person to 'avoid' any possible drama? I'm sure you have. There's a higher tendency to happen between couples that have passed the one year mark. I'll probably explain why in another post. Guess you'll just have to stay tuned but for one, let's focus on the thought at that.

In my mind, as long as you don't say anything, the issue isn't there. You can both go along your lives as though nothing is the matter. Even if the white elephant is staring you right in the face, it doesn't exist because no one said anything.

But once I mention it, and even though the issue is resolved, each time something similar happens the previously solved issue will resurface. It will always be at the back of your mind. And I don't want that, because I will see and notice it. And when I see it, I will feel the guilt that this is happening only because I said something and I was being selfish.

But at the end of the day, aren't we all selfish people?

The Forbidden Fruit...

Do you recall in the garden of Eden how the serpent tempted Eve and made her eat the fruit of the tree of life? And how she made Adam do the same too?

This got me thinking about the attraction that doing something " forbidden " has towards us humans. I mean, why do we do it? We know it's wrong yet there is some carnal desire inside of us that longs to live dangerously, to deny the norm and step out of our comfort zone.

It makes me wonder if that's why there are so many incestuous relationships happening worldwide. Or maybe that's due to people just looking for a quick convenient way to find release. But then there are couples who claim that they're in love with one another, even more so than when they were with other " ordinary " people.

Is that to say that since the relationship is so dangerous that it helps to fuel the passion? I do honestly wonder about it though. Any thoughts on the subject is more than welcomed, as always :)

The Steps are Ringing.

A couple of days back, a friend of mine took all my rings which left my fingers bare and boy, did they feel naked! Which brought me to my thoughts for the evening. It's a little shallow in comparison to my usual posts but, change is good, no?

The below may be considered the " norm " but do bare in mind that not everyone adopts such customs so, just read and accept it with an open attitude. However, this does by no way mean I believe in the below either. I'm just saying.. ( yes, I know. Rachel's ALWAYS just saying.. )

There are typically three steps to getting married. Three steps in terms of rings, I mean.

1. The Promise Ring.

I don't know how many of you have yet to hear about such a thing as the promise ring. Perhaps you would know it better if I referred to it as a " friendship ring " meaning there is no promise to marry. Of course this friendship rings turns into a promise ring when, obviously, there is a promise to marry. To put it simple, it is a pre-engagement ring - There is a chance of a future together. This is typically worn on the ring finger ( Fourth finger - Between the pinky and the middle finger ) of the left hand.

2. The Engagement Ring.

Of course everyone has heard of this and if you haven't well, maybe it's about time you crawled out from under that rock of yours. An engagement ring is a testimony to love and the commitment of the couple that is engaged to be married. A woman typically gets this after the guy proposes. This can go on to replace the promise ring. By giving an engagement ring ( normally a diamond or some other precious jewel ), the promise is sealed in " stone " ( do you get it now? Heee.. ) and is a way of telling the world that the person has made a commitment to someone else. Normally only the women wear an engagement ring but in the 21st Century that we live in, it is not uncommon for the male to wear the ring as well as to say to other women, " Hands off, he's mine!".

3. The Wedding Band.

I prefer the word wedding band as compared to wedding ring. It is worn by a couple that has been married. After the wedding, the wedding band is worn on the ring finger closes to the hand with the engagement ring above it (meaning closest to the tip of the finger). If the guy is creative, the rings may match and in certain situations, may sometimes interlock or are fused together to form one ring.

So yeah, I just thought that was interesting and it's something everyone should know. I mean, it's already common sense but if you didn't know that then well, at least you do now. I'm going to go have some ice-cream. Toodles! :)

I'm proudly a Virgo, are you?

I'm going to be touching on a rather taboo subject today; virginity and sex. So, if you don't think you want to read about something along those lines, please kindly navigate yourself to another post or page :)

I don't know if this holds true for the rest of you but the virgin species seems to be on the brink of extinction. Everyone seems to be doing " someone ". Sex has become a way of displaying how much you love the other person. In short, sex has become common, meaningless and a pastime.

What on earth is wrong with the world!

Perhaps it's just me with my traditional mindset so this seems to bother me. In my world, sex is not just a physical act of pleasure between two people. Oh goodness, it's so much more than that. Not because of what is done but because of what it represents and symbolizes. I've been taught since I was a young girl that your virginity is your most precious possession and once it's gone, that's it. You shouldn't lose it to just anyone.

But really, if it's such a special gift then don't you want to be sure that the person you're giving it to is the right person? I have a similar post on here : Pass the cup around. If you're interested, feel free to check it out.

As harsh as it is to say this, once you sleep around, you have kinda been " defiled ". You're not pure, untouched and special ( Only in the untouched virgin sense ). And you're supposed to give yourself as a gift to your partner? But it's not top grade anymore. Other hands, other people have touched your gift and you're wanting to give that to the person you're so in love with and want to spend your entire future with? Really! Think about it.

And what if you were on the other side, where you're the " pure " one. Don't you think you're being shortchanged? There you are saving yourself, resisting all sorts of temptation so that you can be all special for your significant other only to find out you're not getting the same in return. How does that make you feel?

To make it worse, if you're anything like the possessive person I am, it would drive you insane with rage to know that someone else besides you has done all these intimate things with your lover. Someone else has touched your " possession ". You're not the first anymore! You're probably second, third, forth or who knows but you get my point.

Argument. If you truly love the other person you will accept them for everything they are and have been. True, that you should but honestly speaking, don't you think it's going to bother the other person if even the slightest? And the best part? People always try to be people pleasers and try to be politically correct and know that if you ask them they should say that your past doesn't bother them at all, not one bit.

Argument. If the both of you are virgins, then you'd be awkwardly fumbling during your first time because you didn't know what you were doing. But if one had previous experience, then you know, you'd have better sex cause the other person knows what he/she is doing. True but really, would you want to have sex in a way someone else taught your future husband/wife? Like, it's not something original being produced by the both of you. It's not yours.

I don't know if I can accept someone who has been touched before. As mentioned earlier, I am the party that knows I should be politically correct. I know there's nothing I can do about the other person and what happened before me but at the same time, you can't help that it plagues your mind.

I need to clear my head.

On a completely random note, " Virgo " means sexually inexperienced woman in Latin.

If you're also a Virgo, please keep yourself for marriage.

Love of the Idea..

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in love or I'm in love with the idea of being in love. Most times it ends up being the latter which quite frankly scares me. I don't trust myself nor my judgement.

I always end up telling myself that it's just infatuation or just a temporal feeling because let's face it. It is one of the most wonderful feeling to know that someone out there cares, wants and craves for you. To be the object of such affection is an ego boost to anyone and because of that, most people are blinded and are unable to differentiate between actually loving the other person and loving the way the other person makes them feel.

Yes, to be fair it is a little bit of both. You first get attracted by how the other person treats you and how it makes you feel and then you slowly start appreciating the other person and the rest would hopefully be history. Well, that's my theory anyhow. But how do you know it's the above? I mean, classical conditioning, anyone? You stay because it makes you feel good. Plain and simple.

What happens if in that time that you stay with the other person, you just end up being all selfish and just keep on taking? What about the other person? What if you don't end up developing the feelings you thought you would? It would be unfair to your partner, yes? Because while you're there having the time of your life, they are there falling more and more in love with you only to be met with disappointment and hurt.

Of course the disappointment is me assuming that you would have enough brains to tell them that in the end, you just don't feel that way unless you want to go along and play the charade of perfect lovers and enter into a one-sided loveless relationship.

If you can stomach hurting the other person so badly for your entertainment then I think you need to get some help. But for those of you who can't, what do you do then?

Just dismiss it before it gets any worse or take the chance and hope that you may actually fall in love with the person?

Am I even making sense here? Oh goodness, I should just go to bed.

10 Candles Too Many..?

So here I am with my thoughts turning upside down in the world because I am way too free. For today's absurd thoughts, they have landed on the, " Older man and younger woman " topic. I would write about Cougars and younger men too but, I don't think I'm in any position to comment on that.. yet :P

I don't know about you but I know I've always found older men more attractive. I also know it's sort of frowned upon, not as much as it was back then but not totally tolerated just yet.

Older men, I find are so much more charming. How so? Maybe because they've been out in the playing field for so much longer, they hardly have to care about being cool or impressing anyone. They have found who they are and are confident. Their confidence is just.. well, pretty sexual ( omg, yes I just said sexual! lol.. ). They also have broken off from that rebellious stage of youth. Do I even need to mention maturity and stability of character here?

Older men are also more laid back and are prepared for the next stage of their life. You know, marriage, kids and prepared to be serious. They want to settle down. They have also more knowledge and therefore becomes a person you can learn from as well as look up to. There can be intelligent conversations instead of the usual shallow ones. Not to mention sexy educated banter ( just thinking about it makes me shriek in delight! So sexy! )

Apart from that they're so much more established financially and hardly ever have an issue when it comes for paying for dates ( yes, I sound like a gold digger now.. lol ). They're just more established personally and professionally. They have a drive and goal!

For this section, I can't say I've had my share of experience BUT! Older men are most of the time more experienced sexually. Because of this they can also focus more on giving and teaching instead of just getting off ( sorry, am I being too crude? ).

I also like that older men know how to be considerate ( if they're dating you for the right reason. There are still plenty of leechers out there. ) and appreciate you. Youngsters have this mock confidence that borders on being rude. Older men I find are more refined, calm and controlled. I feel special when I am on the arm of an older man. I know I'm being respected and treated as I should be; special.

Older men are just the best.

Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative - Maurice Chevalier.

Wash the grief away..

This is a sub post from my very morbid thoughts on my own site. I somehow thought it would belong better here. Don't ask me why. It's probably because this needs an update before the end of May. And I can't come up with anything else.

Sometimes you bottle things up and claim that they do not affect you, not even the least. That is, till months pass and the wound has now turned gangrene. There's nothing more you can do but to cut it off, and let it go.

If you ever have to cry... Do it in the bathroom.

When your make-up has run and your mascara is gone, you can just say it was because you had your head under the tap. The splashing of the water as they make contact with the sink will cover up your chokes and sobs. The best part is that people in the next room won't ever know. The steams will then rise and soothe your puffy eyes, and if it doesn't, you can just say the water was too hot.

If you ever have to cry... Do it alone.

Like an animal goes to die, if you have tears, go and hide. Don't pollute your pillow with teardrops that will evaporate and leave tear stains, worst yet if they fog your dreams. Don't wait until you're at the bus stop in your dress suit with new straps to boot and try to conceal it behind your sunnies. All the commuters will see in the involuntary twist of your mouth, what should have been left at home. Don't save it up until someone innocently asks if you're okay. You will most certainly break.

If you ever have to cry... Do it alone and in the shower.

You can turn on the water hot and hard. You can huddle against the wall and hold your own shaking naked skin. Your face can be a private, humiliated mess of snot and salicylic acid. You can cry and cry and cry and think of all the bad things. You can collapse there, drowning in all your misery until the water heater can take no more. The shower will wash all those tears and all those thoughts down the drain. When you get out and step into your towel, the last spasm may come but you will be strong.

You pat your body dry and your eyes, too. You leave your sadness in the swirl of steam that will float away as soon as you open the door.

And that, my friend, is the only way to cry all the grief that is in your heart, out. Oh, shucks would you look at that, there's still some left.