Volcanoes Can Erupt...

I'm just full of posts this month :) And for the record, not everything I post is directed at someone, anyone. Please get off your high horse and realize that the world doesn't revolve around you :)

You know, I was just thinking. If your friends and your significant other ( in this case just boyfriend or girlfriend. Let's not even get into the whole marriage part yet.. ), if they hate each other then pretty much, the relationship isn't going to work out.

Now now, before you chuck hot water at me or call me a condom, just hear me out.

Firstly, you choose your friends based on how well you get along with them. You guys would have similar taste, character, you get it.. So, it's safe to assume that if your friends hate your boyfriend/girlfriend, there's a high possibility that you're going to eventually not like him/her very much.

Furthermore, haven't you noticed that, when you have a psycho boyfriend/girlfriend, your friends realize it months and months before you do. See, they don't have the whole euphoric blinding disease called love. Not dissing love, I for one am in love with love :)

So! Because these two groups of people dislike one another, they avoid each other. And you're forced to pick either to hang out with your boyfriend/girlfriend or your bunch of friends. After a while, alienation occurs either between you and your friends, whereby you ditch them and you're totally engulfed in the world that consist of only you and your boyfriend/girlfriend. Or, less likely to happen, alienation between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Need I go on why this is bad?

I mean, just think about it logically. Your friends are your friends. They know you so well, even more so than your boyfriend/girlfriend will at this point. You guys have been through thick and thin, seen each other grow up and.. Maybe even known you your whole life. These people have seen you when you thought no one was looking, held your hand when you were lost in your own world and thoughts, and even seen you without make-up or heard you fart! You can't compete with bonds like that. They know you better than you may know yourself.

Real friends don't have ulterior motives. They're your friends.

This doesn't mean it's easy. I know it's not. To be able to find someone whom you're head over heels in love for and at the same time have your friends get along smoothly.

But really, they're your friends. Trust them :)

P/S - Ms. Asha, please don't terasa. Not for you, not at all.

Zombie Eyes...

Hello hello, it's Izzy's birthday today so in honor of that, I'm doing a post! :) Of course it doesn't reflect her one bit. It's another blue post so, again, if you're happy-happy-joy-joy, please save this for another day.

It dissapoints me. What does?

When you looked at me tonight, across my lovely plate of healthy cod fish that you thought I should start eating so I could maintain my weight and your wholesome chunk of steak that I actually wanted to order; a little part of me died.

You didn't see " me " that you fell in love with. In fact, you didn't see me at all. It was as though I've just become a nice piece of furniture in your life. I made myself invisible for you. I extinguished the fiery brilliance that I used to bounce off the walls with. Deep down I know that if I hadn't watered myself down for you, if I was still the girl you went through the motions of falling in love with, I would embarrass you. Without a doubt.

You always wanted me to sit down and be still. Just smile and look good. You thought I didn't make good arm candy.

I don't like who I became for you. I hate it! I don't like the way you silently critique me with your eyes. I don't like the way the corner of your mouth turns down when you ask me, " Are you really going to wear that?" I don't like it when you tell me that I shouldn't have cracked that many jokes, told that many stories, laughed that loudly or danced that wildly! I hate it when you tell me that two beers are more than enough.

I hated the fact that I needed your approval. As though I equated to nothing without a nod from you. I based my self-esteem on you and now I feel like a fool for doing so. It wasn't really the love in your eyes that lit me up. Rather, I needed you by my side so that everyone else could see that someone, at least someone, thought I was good enough. That thought alone now makes me want to hurl.

But the time has come, for my life to be about me and only me. Life with you isn't creating anymore interesting stories to tell. To hell with you, baby.

I've got me.

Leave me alone, Get out of my Face...

I read this somewhere and was surprised by how much I could relate. It would be a shame not to share. I added a little at the end. Do enjoy this, I know I did. :)

I'm angry and tired and sad and, I just don't want to deal with it right now, so fuck off.

I don't want to look at you, or talk to you, or be with you, or know you and I certainly don't want to need you to be who you were when it mattered. I don't want to run into you on the street and have an awkward moment of nothing to say. I don't want you to worry about me because there isn't anything you can say or so that we haven't already tried.

I don't want YOU!

I don't want to be irritated, because it is as much my fault as it is yours ( or at least that is what I keep telling myself so I'll stop blaming you.. ). I don't want to care but I do, and I don't want to die knowing that I cared too much or too little or not the ways you needed me to because it doesn't matter anymore. I don't want it to matter in five years or in five minutes or five seconds, that you have become what I asked you never to be..

A nightmare.

I don't want to go to places with people that we both know, knowing that you are going to be a topic at some point and I don't want everyone to tip toe in my presence ( that lacks the honestly that is the only thing I will ever ask for! ). I hate the fact that you were such a big thing. And that you didn't know it or that you did and I got blown off, because frankly it hurts. I got the lousy end of the deal. I hate the fact that there was such a gross misinterpretation of the situation at some point and that you were probably responsible and that I was naive enough to think otherwise.

Having said all that, I don't hate you. Really. I just don't respect you as much as I used to. I used to think you were the greatest person on two legs. I admired your intelligence! I wondered at the thing you accomplished in your few years of life. I used to lie awake at night thinking about you and wishing you the best in life. I still pray for you, you know. I still hope that you will finish fighting your own nightmares and find what it is you're looking for. I still think you are wrong, but maybe I'm just bitter and I don't want to deal with you or it right now.

I don't have to send this to you or post it or tell you how I feel because someday you will read this. And you won't ever know who it was from or what it was about and neither will you know that it is directed to you, and for you. This will be the last thing you will ever be getting from me. You won't know, but you'll recognize enough of that I have written to know that no matter who it is from or for, it is talking straight to your heart. There is enough of truth here.

I imagine that when you do, and if you do, read this, you will find it incredibly enlightening. You will probably have some half-baked trip into guilt, so right now I am going to tell you that this isn't about you anymore. You might want to call me and ask if I have ever written something like this or maybe you'll just wimp out and email me. You might want that.. But I doubt you'd ever do anything. You would rather have the guilt remain unconfirmed so that you don't have to deal with it either.

You're a sorry excuse for a human being. I'm glad you're gone.

Concrete Make-Up...

Has anyone ever wondered why we always have to act as though everything's okay when it's not? Why aren't we allowed to show our vulnerable side? Why do we have to be strong? Why?

Most of the time people do the above. Pretend that everything is hunky dory and that they're not dying inside. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal., All locked up inside that wound, and you can bet your life it's going to fester!

You act like nothing's the matter. You put extra effort into being nice and congenial. You always let the other person go ahead of you in line. You smile when your friend gets the promotion you worked your butt off for months. You stay silent and just nod when your friends talk about such happy topics like love and hope. You read more poetry so you won't give up on the world. You watch more sad romantic movies when you're alone at home, allowing yourself to cry at all the sad parts just so you can feel that the human part of you is still there.

You get this sort of balance, you know - You're one person here, another person there. You control yourself and force down the bile that rises up your throat each time you walk past a " certain " someone. You deny your inner emotions. You keep telling yourself that you're stronger than this, you can overcome it all, even heartbreak and sorrow.

You know you won't die inside because, heck, there is nothing inside of you. Repeat this to yourself over and over again. Write it on a post it note and stick it to the mirror or refrigerator. You'd be amazed at how well it can work.

You grip your glass firm though your hands are trembling. You refuse to lose. You can win, you will win, you have won!

After a while, you won't even have to try. You won't even have to pretend.

Now, you can look at the most heart-wrenching scenes and not even blink.

Death is nothing..

Lost love is just a waste of time.

And there you go. Goodjob. You're here. Dead. Don't forget to laugh.

And remember, never ever ever look back :)

Jelly Beans. Not Jelly Bean...

I'm feeling bitter today. If you're in a bubble happy mood and don't want to have your bubble popped then, please save this post for one of those blue days. I'm just full of angst.

" Never frown; you never know when someone's falling in love with your smile. "

I'm sure everyone of you has heard that saying. If you haven't well, pat yourself on the back, now you have.

I for one happen to think this is silly. Why? I'll tell you why.

Because! No one should be falling in love with my smile. Instead, they should be falling in love with me, not some wiry expression I have pasted onto my face. It's like pointing at a five scented candle pack and saying you only one the white vanilla candle. Chuck the rest!

You know, if you can't fall in love with me as a whole, then don't bother. If all you like is my stupid, sloppy, crooked grin then, I don't think I want you in my life at all. It would be better without you. You should be falling in love with my frowns, my constipated look, my smiles and everything else about me.

Falling in love with a smile is just like falling in love with a porn star through their picture you saw on the web. Still sound pure to you? Heh.

Perfect Is Woman-Made...

I was talking to Izzy a few weeks ago.. Maybe more than a month by now. I don't know. I tend to lose track of time now. Well, we were on the topic of " your knight in shining armor ". You know, your dream guy fantasy. I know you've had it. I have to. Just that most of the time his face is blocked out by the shining sun or something. Heh.

At age seven or eight, fairytales fill your head with crazy thoughts of men being all that and more. Then mummy comes along and tells you that you deserve a certain standard; Someone who should love you and have a decent job, good family, you know the drill. So yeah, you've been pre-programmed. So here's our image of the guy we want :

An independent guy who is able to support and love us. He should be able to speak his mind yet switch to his more tender and sensitive side when dealing with us. He doesn't have to be a total gentlemen but ensuring doors don't smack into our faces would be nice. And the list goes on..

Then reality happens and you realize, shoot! Men aren't as those fairytales said they would be. Finding one that mummy described is almost close to impossible too! What the heck. Oh and to make matters worse, you realize you don't really like the proper guy too which is your entire dream guy's package.

Yeah. Basically everything isn't going your way. Your dream guy doesn't seem to be coming along at all! Woe was me. But there is this one dude. He's nothing like your perfect guy. In fact, quite the opposite. But he's nice enough.. You like him and maybe even love him. But logic tells you no! That's not your dream guy.

Well, tell logic to butt out! Because one thing you've learned from then till now is that, fairytales don't happen. Your happy ending isn't going to find you. In fact, you can wait for all eternity. It ain't happening, not in this lifetime.

You want one, you make one :)