Invisible Ability.

Superheroes are something mystical and magical. What defines them are the super powers and inhumane abilities. Sometimes I wonder if I am one too.

I'm always by your side. I'm always there for you.

I'm always cheering for you and will always be on your side.

Yet, you don't see me.

I figured I must have the invisible ability.

Best friends of the opposite ( and now in today's world, even the same.. ) sexes. I hardly need to say anything more and most, if not all, of you would know the dangers of it. Emotions that may develop as you maintain that long string of friendship years. And then it just blows up in your face.

You know your best friend the best. You've been through thick and thin. You've also had your fair share of good times. Even watched him grow up. And also watched him go through his share of bimbos and lousy girlfriends. Through all that, you've always been by his side, supporting, cheering and loving him.

And yet, he doesn't see you as someone who could become his life partner. Heck, he doesn't even give you a chance. Afraid of what may happen if you say anything, you keep these beautiful precious feelings locked away in your heart. Burying them for all eternity.

Just so you can keep him close.

Just so you can see that goofy smile of his again.

Just so he'll continue to hear you whine about your lousy group mates and assignment.

Just so he'll be there for you.

Just so he'll stay your best friend and nobody can question your actions.

Just that is enough, right?

Be satisfied, my greedy heart.

Today is Enough.

I learned many things when I was young. Many of those things crushed and put and end to my blissful childhood. Such as, Santa Claus isn't real. And the toothfairy really was my mummy leaving money under my pillow. When I was really young, I also learned that forever doesn't exist.

My best friends used to say " We'll be best friends forever."

Many of them I hardly even remember anymore.

" I'll be with you forever." Many boys have said this till sometimes you wonder if it's only lip service. A sort of obligation that each of them are required to profess to you.

None of these ever happened. Forever is like a mystical elusive beast. One of which I have never encountered. I have also never heard or seen it existing in reality. Seeing is believing, right?

So when you say, " You'll love me forever ", what am I supposed to think?

I'm sorry I doubt you when you say such things to me.

I know it hurts you when you think that I don't trust you.

That I don't believe you when you speak of your visions of eternal happiness together.

Of shared memories, happy moments and lazy Sunday mornings spent in bed together for the rest of our lives.

But how do you know that what we have, what we share is able to withstand the test of time? Of emotional volcanic eruptions that are sure to come? Are we strong enough? Will I be able to see the relationship through? It doesn't even have to be in a romantic sense.

What if you move to a far far away land? Will you keep in touch? Will I see you? Or what if I wrong you so badly that you can't even stand the sight of me? How will you hold my hand through those tough times anymore?

So don't speak to me about forever.

I just want to hear about today. Please.

Bestfriend Shackles.

I sit across you at the restaurant and watch you gush about that girl you're so in love with. Your eyes light up with such affection and intensity, your cheeks tainted just the slightest pink and your smile; Your smile is one of pure bliss and happiness that you've finally found that one special person you can hold close. You speak about her 24/7 but I guess it's only to be expected for smitten couples. How I wish I could have even just a fraction of that.

I'm the perfect best friend. I'm playing my role as I should. As what is expected of me. I listen, advise and understand all you're going through.

I hurt when you hurt.

I console you when you're down.

I'm there for you when you're on the verge of insanity.

I'm worried about your well being.

I want to make it all better but I know I can't. That fact alone kills me.

When the storm between the both of you have passed, I'm glad you're happy again. I really try my best to feel happy for you.. As I should.

But I feel like a fraud.

Why? Because although I play the role of the perfect best friend, at the back of my mind, there is a nagging thought that refuses to leave me be.

I want you to break up with her!

How can I pretend to tell you to keep trying, keep going and it's all going to be better?

" Don't worry, you'll overcome this bump in the road. I know you can. She's the one. Don't fret, she loves you. And you love her! Just give it some time. Only time will tell. Don't give up, she's too special to lose! "

Can you imagine how much it kills me to say such things to you? In actuality I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, " Dump her and be with me!" But I can't. Because I'm the best friend. I'm not supposed to do things like that. I should be encouraging you, uplifting you and wanting you to be happy always. Because I care for you. And love you.

So here I am again, sitting across you as you gush about her even more. Probably telling me what a wreck you've been the entire week because you had a fight but miss her so much.

And here I am, telling you to go back to her instead of ending it and.. Just picking me over her.

Because I am the best friend. Never the girlfriend.

I always wished you'd been mine.

Journey to El Dorado Gone Bad

I've had a very epiphany-full weekend. Tons of self realization and slaps in the face! And at the end of it all, I wonder, " Was I blind ?"

It was as though I was in the amazon jungle trying to find El Dorado, the city of gold! With nothing more than a parang in my hand, I fought through thick and thin to get to my destination. After putting in so much effort, blood and sweat, I finally found El Dorado! But wait, it's not the city of gold. It's just a rock; A big fat useless ROCK!

Have you any idea how disappointed I am? To have so much hope, expectations, respect and then to have it all blow up in your face, it just.. It hurts! It's frustrating! It makes me angry!

I don't care that rocks, under the right pressures can bloom into a diamond.

I don't care how much potential is has!

I don't care that it may be worth millions later!

I don't care! I don't care! I don't care!

BECAUSE, right now it's still just a rock. What if's and could be's doesn't matter.

All that matters right now is what is in front of me at this moment.

And it is still, a rock.

Has anyone encounters situations like that before? You think the world of the other person ( may be a boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other or best friend even.. ) only to find out they are actually not all you thought they were. You pour so much into the relationship and while it goes on, you think it's all good, the best and you lasted for so long! But one day, it ends and when all the biased feelings are gone, you see their true selves. And it's so ugly. You wonder what kept you from seeing that giant elephant right in front of you.

But all is not lost, because it has ended.

And you have seen.

And that's all that matters right now.

So, just try not to make the same mistake again because if you do, the one hurt will be you.