Step Outside These Walls...

I was wathing 27 dresses again. So, bare with me, okay. It's one of my most adored shows in the whole wide world. Maybe it's the wedding, the marriage, the storyline or maybe it's just James Marsden. Haha.. but I watched it again and, I ended up sobbing my eyes out again.

As we all know by now, I'm a long winded person so therefore it's going to be a long post. Hopefully not that depressing this time :) 

Jane walks into the restaurant to give George his wallet, because he's left it at the office, only to find that George's proposing to Tess. As Jane walks in, the music starts and the waiters unfold the banner that says, " Please marry me." and George goes, " No, no fellas. She's not the one."

I feel so sad for her. I mean, that's the man you're so in love with and to hear those words slip through those lips, doesn't it just break your heart? It's as though your heart just crashes onto the floor and shatters into a million pieces. And then you can hear those words echoing in your head. She's not the one. She's not the one. She's not the one. 

Rejection is never pretty, and then having to suck it up when your beloved baby sister walks through those doors and everything you've dreamed and hoped for, just gets thrown onto her lap. Everything you've worked for and you want. She gets it just like that. How can life be so unfair? Why can't I have that? And why am I not the one? Am I defective? Thoughts like that just destroy you. Rip your self esteem to shreads. And you can only question yourself; Am I not good enough?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Next they're back home and Jane's daddy hears about the engagement. He's so happy, overcomed with joy, that he walks into the backroom to fetch their mum's dress. Then, he hands its to Tess for the wedding.

Imagine you're Jane. All you've ever wanted was to have the exact same replica of your parents wedding. That dress. One that you've held precious and dear all these years. You're looking forward to it so much for that one day when your prince will sweep you off your feet and you'll be able to put on that white dress and say, " Look mum, I'm just like you. This is my day." 

But in the end, Bridezilla, Tess, gets it instead. Your heart drops to the pitch of your stomach, you can't breath and though you want to kick and cry and probably tear Tess and your daddy to shreads, you can't. Why? You've got to be happy for your baby sister. It's only proper. You're only about to lose your mind. Life's so unfair. It's suppose to be mine! Get your own freaking dream and leave mine alone!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

Jane ruins Tess and George's wedding by doing a slideshow about the ' real ' Tess and she feels horrid about it. She runs out of the restaurant and Kevin runs out after her onto the street. They're arguing about how Jane just ruined her life and Kevin says it's great that she's finally done something for herself. And the real reason he came tonight was so he could be there for her as he knew it would be difficult for her. 

The part that always brings me to tears, no matter what, is when he pulls her towards him and forces her to listen to him as he utters these very words, " But I want you to know that I think you deserve, I think you deserve more than what you've settled for. I think you deserve to be taken care of for a change. I believe that."

If I haven't said this enough, then I shall once more. Can't you see that's all I want? For me to reach the point when I shall be Jane. To deserve that; more than what I have settled for. That I deserve to be taken care of for a change. And the best part, is that someone other than I, believe that. I wouldn't be delusional that way. To be such a wishful thinker until I'm finally able to deceive and convince myself that I indeed deserve that. Every person on the face of the earth wants to know that they're good enough, nice enough, pretty enough to deserve something that special. Ultimately, to be loved. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Jane and Tess are in the hardware shop because their dad set them up and they're having it out about how Jane sabotaged Tess' wedding. After all the throwing of objects and other things, Tess finally comes clean about why she lied to George.

Tess : I just wanted to be someone he wanted. Someone he could respect. I wanted to be you.

Jane : Why? Why would you want to be me when you could be you?

How many times have we had this misunderstanding with other people? Everyone always thinks the other's life is easier, better and that the grass on the other side truly is greener. And I believe the only reason someone else can believe that is because we're such good actors to be able to convince the other person that the mask we have on truly is who we are. 

I guess in the end, we've just got to realize that other people, no matter how they try to play it off, they are insecure about themselves too. And sometimes, it's okay to have to lean onto others for a moment. After we gain our strength, then we can be who we are, for real, too. Because somewhere, outthere, someone's bound to love us. And that, includes our flaws.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After all that, the movie finally starts to move into resolve mode. Jane's wedding to Kevin Doyle finally arrives. As the bridesmaids are about to walk down the aile in the beautiful beach wedding, the camera goes back and forth between each bridesmaid and a potential partner with whom they allow you to assume are going to end up together. Then Jane's turn arrives to walk down the aile with her proud father at her side. And she starts narrating.. 

Jane : Everything was perfect. And I didn't care. Because right then, the only thing that mattered was the person waiting for me at the end of the aile. And he was looking at me the way I had always hoped. 

And then Kevin smiles. It's that look in which the whole movie relies on to make it big. The huge resolve that'll piece everything together. The whole movie snowballed to this one moment that would complete it. The feelings reflected in his eyes, just speak a million words. The adoratation, love and contentment is present.

Just like that, life might just be snowballing into that one moment we all hope for. To be able to experience it. It's the one we're tried to write over and over again in our stories and they just seem to come out wrong, or not good enough. Our perfet fairytale that we hope will happen to us; our wedding. And no matter how imperfect everything was leading up to that one moment, it wouldn't matter because those will just become minor unimportant details in the end. Look at the bigger picture, not the gritty itty bitty details.  

Once Jane arrives at the end of the aile, Kevin takes her hand. 

Kevin : So was this moment everything you hoped for? 

Jane : No... It's more. Much more. 

Marriage is a cause for celebration. 

Ammo Usage...

Lately, I've been missing you more than ever.

Maybe it's because I haven't been to KL in a while.

Maybe it's because I miss talking to you.

Maybe it's because I miss you telling me things as it is. 

Maybe it's because..

Because I just miss you.

And yet...

I can't find the courage within me to pick up the phone and dial you.

It's because I'm afraid that once I use up that chance, it'll be gone. 

That chance is all I have. When that's used up, I won't get it anymore. 

I'd be left powerless... alone. Hanging. Without any power over what might happen.

But.. if I keep that once chance, one opportunity, there might be some hope. Some chance to mend things. Make them better. Patch things up. 

And yet, the odds seem to be against me. 

Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

I hope so.

___________________________________________

I was talking to Adam just now on the way back from college. And he said quite a few things that, well, I hadn't thought about it that way before. Izzy probably knows who I'm talking about. 

Concerning the above, I do miss a friend and I haven't spoken to him in quite a long while. I don't think of him anymore than a friend, I promise. Just enjoy his company a whole lot. That's all. And well, because of something that happened in the beginning of the year, we're not really on speaking terms. And I want that to stop. Like I said, I miss him. And I don't want us to end on such a note. 

As mentioned, I'm afraid to ring him up because, what happens if he says, he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore? It would break my heart. I don't think I could deal with that. Really. I believe that. It would be my one shot at making amends. So, if I use up that chance, then I won't be able to do anything more. But if I don't, then I still have that opportunity to do so, right? Patch things up. Make things right.

Using weird gamer anology, Adam brought it into perspective.

Why would you want to keep your ammo? If you don't use it, then what's the use? You'd be killed otherwise. Even if you run out of ammo, at least you're killing more bad guys. Why save your ammo? And what're you saving your ammo for? If you don't defend yourself, you might get killed and then what? Game over. And even if you use all your bullets and lose by default, as least you gave it a shot and tried your best. 

That's all that matters, right?

Also, sometimes in a game, you have to shoot something to gain something. Like shoot a big truck to gain a health pack or more ammo, so in that way, sometimes you've got to take a chance to gain something more worthwhile. Even if it may not be your ultimate desired outcome. 

Just something to think about, everyone. 

And I think, I will call him :)