When I was 15 ( wow, I can't believe it's been 4 years already.. ), a boy asked me to go out with him. He was a new kid, transferred in that very year and was quite geeky/nerdy. However, he had such a deep voice that didn't suit his almost childish features and style back then. Apart from that, I guess what took me in was also his vast vocabulary ( I love the english language and literature and the like.. ) and for once in my life, I felt like I had met someone on parr with me and I didn't have to ( this is going to sound really bitchy but deal with it.. ) go down to their level to communicate. He understood me and we could banter intelligently!
So yes, I did fancy him but yet, he was still labelled " uncool " and I was so worried with what everyone else ( I guess I had not much of a backbone then. I'm so glad I have changed ). So when he asked me out, I froze! I remember that I came to the decision in my mind that I didn't mind dating him and I'd give it a try. However, when I opened my mouth the complete opposite came out and I ended up rejecting him.
I know I should've done something about it ( and I know this sounds stupid ) but it happened so fast! I didn't know what was happening. It was like one moment he asked, the next I answered then he walked away looking oh-so-dejected and it didn't even register in my brain what I had said until he dissapeared in the crowd.
I. Should. Have. Been. Shot.
Two years later we were both 17 and somehow or another we ended up giving it another shot, the whole dating thing. Because of a misunderstanding, we ended up " breaking-up " after only a really short period of time. I thought that once I got my head together I might go clear up the misunderstanding only to learn that he had moved on.
What do I mean? A few days after we split, I heard that he had a new girl that he fancied. I was upset. Perhaps even crushed. To make matters worst, the girl and I shared the same name. But it doesn't end there. We were so alike in character and behavior that I felt he replaced me! Just like that.
I was furious! It occured to me that maybe I didn't mean that much to him if he could just take a substitute easily. So yes, I was very sad. I was very angry. And this whole story, part of my life incident has been a regret I have had until this morning.
It dawned on me that I didn't really like him as a boyfriend.
I was probably inflatuated and I liked the attention he was giving me. And yes, I did enjoy his company because he was such a good sport and we shared many things in common. He was fun, witty ( which I have learned I am drawn to as well.. ) and charming in a goofy way.
I liked him.
I fancied him.
I loved him as a friend.
But I wasn't in love with him.
I was in love with the idea of a boyfriend.
And I have only realized it today, in the shower, while giving myself a head massage.
I'm glad I'm over it :)
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